Welcome to My Bumpy Ride.......

Before you all read on, I guess it is best to introduce myself to you and let you know a bit about myself. I am Susan, and first and foremost, I am a mother to a wonderful young man. Though he is grown, he will always be that three year old little boy, that asked all those questions and expected answers to them all. Though I will tell you much about myself in this blog there is no one or nothing that is as important to me as him, even if I don't discuss him much, because he kina likes to remain private.

For years I was actively trying to find myself, but that was a big waste of time, since by doing so I was not living. All my life I have always known that I was "different", but was unable to know why that was. I first thought that perhaps it was because I was adopted, but that was not the case. Turns out, I am bipolar and pretty much have been all my life. This was explained to me about nine years ago when I had a major melt down. I tend to be more on the depressive side, but have on occasion been quite manic. My last episode was early thru mid 2008, with full blown depression. For five months, I bearly left my house, let alone my bed. Why am I telling you this? I just want it out in the open and let you understand that I discuss my illness from time to time.

Present day, I am currently a full time student, studying social work. At the end of 2011 I was approached by a mentor of mine, who mentioned a new program that was going to launch here in Rhode Island. This new program called the Peer Wellness Coaching, was something that I had always wished would become a reality and to add even more excitement was the fact that this mentor was inviting me to train for a position as one of the Peer Wellness Coaches.

So currently (spring 2012) I am part of the three phases of training and should be employed by the fall of 2012. What is even more excellent about this program is that they are aware of my education goals and are willing to work with me on maintaining those goals.

Also you might hear me mention NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), because I am actively involved with them. I am a facilitator and state trainer for the NAMI Connection groups (peer run support group) here in Rhode Island, and I also help teach high school and college students about mental illness through NAMI RI's Inside Mental Illness program.

So with all that being said...I hope you read on to my daily activities and thoughts and such.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

July 5, 2011 Just Rambling

Not much has been new here because I have been hanging around my apartment.  I guess I have been isolating.  Denny has been trying to get me to get out of the house more, but honestly I feel so much better here than being out and pretending that my thinking is alright.  It is not that bad really, but it is something to be aware of before it does get any worse.  I am not sure if it is my illness or just the realization of both my parents being sick and dealing with my brother.

Tomorrow I start back at the program that I went to before I left for New Jersey.  I really was seriously thinking of not going back, but Denny and my therapist strongly recommended that I return for a little while.  I am not happy about having to get up at six in the morning to be there by seven thirty and then having to walk back home at the hottest time of the day.  I am not sure how this is going to help, but I am willing to try.

One thing about me is that when I am not feeling well, it can be seen in my apartment, and right now as I look around I can see it is starting.  I will force myself to do something when I get home tomorrow, because Thursday Denny and I have to go to a screening of Tourchwood: Miracle Day.  I was excited at first when I received the invite, but honestly I have lost interest.  I know I just announced to everyone who reads this that I enjoy science fiction, oh well.

Currently I am concerned about my son.  He is going through a small blip in the road and he is realizing that being an adult is not always fun and there is nothing that I can do to help him through this, only give him my support and allow him to learn from this, and it is the hardest thing that I have going on right now, because I know that I can do something to help him, but he will not learn that way.  I know it is important for him to understand the importance of certain things in life and that if I bail him out he will never understand that.  It is eating me up inside, but I know that right now, I am doing the best for him in the end.  Guess I just needed to write that out so I can see again why I made the decision I did.

Well time to find a picture for today…

Ok for today I have chosen I picture I took this past winter, because with the heat building we start to thinking about how nice it would be to have some winter weather for just a day or two.  This shot was taken near Utica, NY at Denny’s childhood home.  His brother lives there and heats the house with wood and these timbers were lying so nicely and I really liked the way this picture came out.  TTFN