Welcome to My Bumpy Ride.......

Before you all read on, I guess it is best to introduce myself to you and let you know a bit about myself. I am Susan, and first and foremost, I am a mother to a wonderful young man. Though he is grown, he will always be that three year old little boy, that asked all those questions and expected answers to them all. Though I will tell you much about myself in this blog there is no one or nothing that is as important to me as him, even if I don't discuss him much, because he kina likes to remain private.

For years I was actively trying to find myself, but that was a big waste of time, since by doing so I was not living. All my life I have always known that I was "different", but was unable to know why that was. I first thought that perhaps it was because I was adopted, but that was not the case. Turns out, I am bipolar and pretty much have been all my life. This was explained to me about nine years ago when I had a major melt down. I tend to be more on the depressive side, but have on occasion been quite manic. My last episode was early thru mid 2008, with full blown depression. For five months, I bearly left my house, let alone my bed. Why am I telling you this? I just want it out in the open and let you understand that I discuss my illness from time to time.

Present day, I am currently a full time student, studying social work. At the end of 2011 I was approached by a mentor of mine, who mentioned a new program that was going to launch here in Rhode Island. This new program called the Peer Wellness Coaching, was something that I had always wished would become a reality and to add even more excitement was the fact that this mentor was inviting me to train for a position as one of the Peer Wellness Coaches.

So currently (spring 2012) I am part of the three phases of training and should be employed by the fall of 2012. What is even more excellent about this program is that they are aware of my education goals and are willing to work with me on maintaining those goals.

Also you might hear me mention NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), because I am actively involved with them. I am a facilitator and state trainer for the NAMI Connection groups (peer run support group) here in Rhode Island, and I also help teach high school and college students about mental illness through NAMI RI's Inside Mental Illness program.

So with all that being said...I hope you read on to my daily activities and thoughts and such.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Feeling Alone Out Here

I am debating whether to blow off some school work and go outside today.  I know that it is a beautiful day out but have a project that is due on Monday.  I could always sit back and pray that everyone did long ones and we run out of time.  I hate that feeling though.

Then there is the whole question of where would I go.  I mean I want to go and take some pictures but I have been everywhere that I would think about going to. I thought maybe the beach, but it is kind of late to catch the bus out there.  I thought about India Point Park, but don’t want to go alone.  You know what, I know that I am just going to sit here today and get the work done and then meet Denny and Bill (Denny’s roommate) for karaoke tonight.  I am planning on videotaping Bill sing, since he is not half bad.

I have posted a few things up at YouTube.  They are not the greatest but some are fun.  Here is the link if you want to see my channelà CLICK ME

Had a couple of friends from the center here yesterday.  Before they came by I went to the supermarket and bought some stuff to make them wraps and snacks.  It was nice having company, I realized that being that I live in such a small place it is not feasible to have more than one visitor at a time.

I read some of my old blogs that contained some fiction, poems, and guided imageries that I had posted back in the Yahoo 360 days.  I was completely surprised that one of my guests wanted me to continue reading and she told me that she really loved the way that I wrote.  The other guest liked them as well but was not in the mood to listen, so I only read a couple more and then closed the book on that.

After hearing what one of my guests thought about my writing, I decided that I would go back to doing what I used to.  I used to blog like I do now, but once in a while I would through in a short story, poem or guided imagery.  It is not like anyone really reads this blog like they did back in the 360 days.

Sometimes I feel as though I am just talking to myself out here in the miles and miles of web space that is known as the internet.  It would be nice to have someone who actually reads this stuff.  Back in the Yahoo 360 days I have so many people reading and commenting on my blogs that it made me feel good to see that there were people out there who either understood, learned something or could relate to what I typed out.  Now though, there is no comments.  It makes me think that I am not entertaining enough to spend time to get to know.  I know there are dark times that I go through, but I had them back in the day as well, and received a lot of support and it helped.

Well enough of that.  So the picture today? I took that picture a couple of weeks ago at Roger Williams Park in Providence, RI.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Update on Semester and Registration for Spring

It was time again to sign up for classes.  For the spring semester I have decided to go part time, because I know that anatomy and physiology is going to be a rough class.  I am also taking post 16th century literature.  Best thing about taking those classes are that both of them are only on Tuesdays and Thursdays, which means that I will only have to take the long bus ride two times a week. There will be a lot of reading with lit and a lot of memorization for anatomy.  I am ready to tackle those two head on and get them over with.

Now I know I didn’t let you all know much about this semester, because I have been way busy with the work involved.  I am taking Biology, Physics and introduction to Social Work.

Biology is going ok, but the professor is kind of a bitch.  She is way too much into her chosen field and wants everyone to have her feeling toward it.  If you don’t have any passion for Biology than she has no need to help you in anything related to the course.  At least that is the way I feel she is like, who knows, maybe it is a personal thing.  She told us the first class that she has no understanding on how people could have extra weight, because that just means that those people have no control in their eating habits.  I was OMG, how can she be so mean.  I wondered as I looked around the room, how many others, other than myself, she had just totally insulted.  I found her discussion on body fat to be out of line.  Even on lab, she wanted everyone to find out how much fat they actually had.  I decided to skip that one.  Talk about bringing someone’s self esteem down.

The good thing about her class though, we only have to do ten power point presentations, ten problem sets and ten labs, which each done weekly.  I am so excited because I have the nine done of each, which means I will never have to see her again after December 7th.  I will be so happy when that happens.  And I will finish with an A.

Then I have Physics.  I am getting by pretty well in the class.  My grade could be better, but she is seriously considering dropping our lowest test grade and that will help me reach an A in that class as well.  Let’s pray she does it.

Introduction to Social Work is an enjoyable class.  For the most part though, we teach each other with our presentations.  He is a tough grader; there is no doubt about it.  I did do one of my projects with another girl.  I so regret doing that.  I figured it would be fine since most of her general education classes were done at Rhode Island College.  Wow, was I wrong about that. 

All in all though, I think that I am ok with these classes, but I don’t think I will be able to maintain the grade point average I have.  We will see though.

Each day I keep on thinking how great it is going to be next semester and it makes it really hard to wake up early and catch that bus each morning.  Next semester my first class of the two days will begin at one in the afternoon.  That alone is something to cheer about.

Anyways so that is about it.  Just wanted to make sure that I expressed my feelings about this semester while I was still in it.  Of course, I should be doing homework right about now, but I am having a hard time getting started.  Have a good one you guys.  TTFN

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Tomorrow My Baby Will Be 21

OMG, my son is going to be 21 years old tomorrow.  Funny how so much time just flies right by.  I have watched him grow from 21 inches to almost 6 feet tall.  I remember where I held his hand in mine for the first time.  Oh those tiny little helpless hands that God handed over to me to care for and nurture.  I was scared out of my mind. I had no idea what to do, I mean I did babysit and stuff like that, but I never had a newborn in my care for more than a couple of hours.  I remember thinking that if I could make it 24 hours without hurting him that I could make a week.  I stopped counting when he was almost two. LOL. 

I used love watching him sleep.  At least than I had a feeling that I was doing something right, because I knew that if he slept peacefully, than he felt safe.  It was important to me to have him feel that way.  I guess it was because I never did when I was a kid, and never wanted him know that feeling.

I was blessed, by God, to have such a great kid.  From the time he was born he never gave me any real problems.  He had even slept through the night for the first time on December 7th 1990, and from that night on, it remained that way until an illness. 

From the moment he was born it was like he took in everything I said.  It felt like he needed to learn as quick as can be.  He did too.  Learned so much, so fast, it was so hard to keep up.  He wanted to learn everything.  I loved his questions, because they seemed to have more of a meaning to them, than just a basic need to know.  Each and every question brought upon more questions.  I am not going lie here, sometimes it was exhausting, but I understood him. 

I realized by the time he was almost two, that though he looked so much like his father, he was more me on the inside, and believe me I was so glad for that.

So who is the man (God that was hard to write) he is today.  He would make any girl happy to be with him.  Currently he is dating a girl that he says is so special on the inside that so many people don’t even notice.  He is caring, thoughtful, thickheaded, determined, insightful, smart, severely honest, active, attractive, attentive, wise beyond his years, trustworthy, honorable, and the list can go on forever.

All I can say at this moment is that I am so proud of the man that my son has become and I can’t wait to see how his future turns out.  I thank God for giving me the opportunity to have been there to care for him as he grew.  Happy Birthday to a very special young man, my boy. 

BTW Photo was taken last Sunday at birthday celebration for him. TTFN