Welcome to My Bumpy Ride.......

Before you all read on, I guess it is best to introduce myself to you and let you know a bit about myself. I am Susan, and first and foremost, I am a mother to a wonderful young man. Though he is grown, he will always be that three year old little boy, that asked all those questions and expected answers to them all. Though I will tell you much about myself in this blog there is no one or nothing that is as important to me as him, even if I don't discuss him much, because he kina likes to remain private.

For years I was actively trying to find myself, but that was a big waste of time, since by doing so I was not living. All my life I have always known that I was "different", but was unable to know why that was. I first thought that perhaps it was because I was adopted, but that was not the case. Turns out, I am bipolar and pretty much have been all my life. This was explained to me about nine years ago when I had a major melt down. I tend to be more on the depressive side, but have on occasion been quite manic. My last episode was early thru mid 2008, with full blown depression. For five months, I bearly left my house, let alone my bed. Why am I telling you this? I just want it out in the open and let you understand that I discuss my illness from time to time.

Present day, I am currently a full time student, studying social work. At the end of 2011 I was approached by a mentor of mine, who mentioned a new program that was going to launch here in Rhode Island. This new program called the Peer Wellness Coaching, was something that I had always wished would become a reality and to add even more excitement was the fact that this mentor was inviting me to train for a position as one of the Peer Wellness Coaches.

So currently (spring 2012) I am part of the three phases of training and should be employed by the fall of 2012. What is even more excellent about this program is that they are aware of my education goals and are willing to work with me on maintaining those goals.

Also you might hear me mention NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), because I am actively involved with them. I am a facilitator and state trainer for the NAMI Connection groups (peer run support group) here in Rhode Island, and I also help teach high school and college students about mental illness through NAMI RI's Inside Mental Illness program.

So with all that being said...I hope you read on to my daily activities and thoughts and such.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Cattell's 16 Factor Test Results
Warmth |||||||||||||||||| 58%
Intellect |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 82%
Emotional Stability |||||||||||||||||| 58%
Aggressiveness ||||||||||||||| 46%
Liveliness |||||||||||| 34%
Dutifulness |||||||||||||||||| 58%
Social Assertiveness ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%
Sensitivity ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Paranoia ||||||||||||||| 42%
Abstractness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Introversion |||||||||||||||||| 58%
Anxiety |||||||||||||||||| 54%
Openmindedness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78%
Independence ||||||||||||||| 50%
Perfectionism |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Tension |||||||||||| 34%
Take Cattell 16 Factor Test (similar to 16pf)
personality tests by similarminds.com

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Entry for November 11, 2010 Loved Ones with Medical Problems

Just got back from Denny’s this morning, after spending the night with him.  His mother is pretty sick and in the hospital.  Apparently, she has fluid around her heart.  This is not good.  We went last night to get his train ticket and then looked to see if there was a movie playing at the mall.  He wanted to do something to keep his mind off of what is going on with his mother.  I can’t blame him at all.  Sometimes I avoid calling my mom or dad because it is really hard for me to know that they are both sick.  It makes it even harder that I can’t be with them and both of them don’t want me to visit them, because they want me in school.  Both, mom and dad have told me that it would make them very angry if I went to them and took a semester off.
Dad had colon cancer and is in remission but he is having some serious memory problems and is also showing major signs of depression.  I think he is scaring me more than mom, because he does not want to do anything which is causing him to have problems walking and such.  It is almost like he is giving up and just waiting for the end to come.
Mom has lung cancer, but she is more active in her treatment.  Not to say that her illness will have a better outcome then dad, but at least she is more active about it.  Mom lost her sister and father to the same cancer, so I am not looking for that special miracle and neither is she.  She started the chemo this past Monday and thankfully she only had a bit of sickness from it.  I hope that is how it goes for the next twelve weeks.
It is hard to go to school each day with them being sick and I feel like I am being selfish, but what am I going to do, neither one of them want me to hold back in my education.  So I have been taking the approach of trying to do my best for myself and them.  I know that when I share with them a good grade that I received, it brightens up their day in one way or another.  Mom and dad have both told me that out of the three of us, they always believed that I was the one with the good learning skills.  It feels good to hear that, but I know that my brother is very smart, it is just that he really hated school and was ADHD before they knew what to call it.  They used to call it hyper activity back in the day.

Well I guess that is all for now.  So what picture is this and why did I post it? Well since I talked about my family a bit here, I decided that it would be nice to post something that we had in our house when I was growing up, so this is a bumper pool table and we had one in our basement.  There was a cover that you could put two ways, as a table or a card table.  The regular table part was kina messed up because we did arts and crafts on it (dad was not too pleased with it but didn’t complain much) so that is why I posted this picture today. TTFN

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Entry for November 9, 2010 Updates

Entry for November 9, 2010
Had to make a hard decision pertaining to Denny.  What I came up with was telling him that if he is engaged in any kind of drinking I am not going to be part of it.  Told him that should he decide to drink, while with me, I will get up and leave.  It is what I have to do. In order to help him get better, I have to stop being a part of his addiction.  The first step I made was moving out, and that did bring on a depression for him but it didn’t have the outcome that I was hoping for.
Sunday I sat down with him and told him how it was going to be from now on.  I was actually surprised first, that he didn’t get up and walk away.  That is his usual move whenever I try to talk to him about his drinking.  The second biggest breakthrough came when he totally admitted that he knows he has a problem and got mega teary eyed.  Even with these breakthroughs I don’t expect him to quit drinking just like that.
The good thing about this whole thing is that he is currently seeing a therapist for his depressive burst about a month ago.  What makes this even really good is that this therapist also specializes in addiction recovery.  That was a blessed coincidence and I am hoping Denny utilizes this man’s skills.  I asked Denny if he brought up to the therapist anything about his drinking habits.  Denny said that he had but very briefly and Denny feels as though the therapist is waiting for him to bring it up again.  I like this therapists approach. 
I let Denny know that if he needed my help in any way with his recovery I am so right there to help him.  I even gave him a few examples of how I could help and I hope he knows I mean it. 
School news.  Registration began on Monday around midnight and I went in the website and was able to get the classes I wanted.  What this means is, I only have to go to the main campus twice a week and two days here in the city.  I will also have every Friday off.  I think I am more excited about the Fridays off more than anything.  I am basically dragging myself to the bus stop each Friday and have actually missed a few.  So this is a great thing.
I have an exam on Friday for Psychology and I am hoping to keep my grade at an A.  Weird thing is…I can’t seem to get into the studying.  This is not good.  Maybe it is the whole in the middle of the semester thing.  Whatever it is, I have to get out of it.  Other than that, all is good with school.

Since I was talking about school, I decided to share a picture of a toy/calculator that I had as a kid.  I loved math, and when I got this Little Professor I was so excited.  I took with me everywhere.  I can remember leaving it in the woods and from then, I don’t remember it anymore.  I think I most have broke it or something.  Maybe it rained or something, but I liked it, a lot.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

I was bored last night and found this and did it. Now your stuck looking at it.

1. Who are you? I am many people to many others…Mother, Friend, Daughter, Loved One, Mentor, Advisor, Student, and many others
2. What are the 3 most important things everyone should know about you?
1. I am good hearted
2. Determined
3. Vocal

3. When you aren't filling out surveys like this one what are you doing? I am messing on the computer somewhere, knowing that I have to study something.  So If not on the computer then most likely doing school work.

4. List your classes in school from the ones you like the most to the ones you like the least (or if you are out of school, think of the classes you did like and didn't like at the time).
1. Psychology
2. Western Civilization (Believe me this surprises me big time)
3. Math
4. English
5. What is your biggest goal for this year? Making it through this semester on the honor roll.  I would really like Deans List but I won’t bug myself out trying to get that.

6. Where do you want to be in 5 years? Working to help people with mental illness, who are homeless, get off the streets and help them to get the proper care.

7. What stage of life are you in right now? They say I am half way done, but I feel kind of new.  So screw the charts!

8. Are you more child-like or childish? Neither but I feel as though I finally know where I want to go.

9. What is the last thing you said out loud? Told Denny if he was going straight home I would meet him there and told him to call me if that was the case.

10. What song comes closest to how you feel about your life right now?  Dream Weaver, by Gary Wright

11. Have you ever taken martial arts classes? Nope

12. Does your life tend to get better or worse or does it just stay the same? Really right now it seems to be getting better, but funny thing is, when I think it is worse, somehow I learn something that helps me get it better again.

13. Does time really heal all wounds? That is a really tough one…I will just say, memory cannot always be a good thing.

14. How do you handle a rainy day? I want to sleep when it rains, but if I did that, then I would find other reasons to remain in bed and if I did that could be very symptomatic for me.

15. Which is worse...losing your luggage or having to sort out tangled holiday lights? Losing my luggage would be the worse for me, and actually sometimes I like to untangle things like lights, it actually calms me.  No I don’t want you all to mail me your lights…LOL

16. How is your relationship with your parents? We talk.  I worry because both of them are going through some major health issues and with that comes emotion crap to.  Both of them have voiced things to me, pertaining to my past hurts and such.  I guess things are basically better relationship wise with them, but their health has me concerned.

17. Do you tend to be aware of what is going on around you? It is never ending.  I am so hyper-vigilant it consumes me sometimes.

18. What is the truest thing that you know? Only I can choose my path and it has always been like that.  That is something that I have to live with.

19. What did you want to be when you grew up? Never really had anything set in stone there, but writing was always something I wanted to do.

20. Have you ever been given a second chance? If anyone ever answers this question with a NO they are lying their asses off.

21. Are you more of a giver or a taker? As far as I know, I have always been a giver, but again we as humans are takers, so I guess I am both.

22. Do you make your decisions with an open heart/mind? Too much with my heart but when my mind takes over sometimes it brings me to where I need to go, and sometimes I hurt others in the process and that is when my heart get broke.

23. What is the most physically painful thing that has ever happened to you?
Physical pain is not an issue, I can deal with that.

24. What is the most emotionally painful thing that has ever happened to you?
Having to make a decision that hurt one that I love, in order to not let that person see an outcome, that they would have blamed themselves for in the end or blamed and hated someone they love.

25. Who have you hugged today? I haven’t given or received a hug at all today.

26. Who has done something today to show they care about you? Haven’t had that happen…oh wait…Ami told me she was proud of me, when I told her about a grade I received.

27. Do you have a lot to learn? Doesn’t everybody

28. If you could learn how to do three things just by wishing and not by working what would they be?
1. Be less judgmental
2. Find the good in all people
3. Not have as good of a memory as I do, with certain things

29. Which do you remember the longest: The reactions people have about things I have said or done.

30. What are the key ingredients to having a good relationship? Respect, Honesty, Trust, Love, Understanding, Friendship...

31. What 3 things do you want to do before you die?
1. Repair a relationship
2. Share my knowledge
3. Let those that I care about, know that I do

32. What three things would you rather die than avoid doing?
1.  Live in a world that is not free
       2. Not speak my mind
       3. Hurting another person

33. Three causes you believe in more than any other causes?
       1. Child Abuse of any kind
       2. Domestic Violence
       3.  Ending stigma of Mental Illness

34. What does each decade make you think of:
The 19..
60's: Music

70's: Childhood

80's: Indifference

90's: The birth of a very strong person

2000: Changes

2010's: Finally coming to my own

35. Which decade do you feel the most special connection to and why? 1990’s because I was witness to the wonders of another’s childhood.

36. What is your favorite oldie/classic rock song? Dust in the wind…because it was the first song or anything that made me think outside of my own little world.

37. A) What country do you live in and who is the leader of that country?
I live in the United States of America and our President is Barack Obama.

37. B) If you could say any sentence to the current leader of your country what would it be? I know that when cleaning you have to have a real mess before you can see a break through, but come on show me something to make me believe.

38. What's your favorite TV channel to watch in the middle of the night? TVLand…I just basically fall asleep to it.  I use it for sound.

39. What Disney villain are you the most like and why? I am a Hufffalump…I might look scary at first but if you get to know me you find that I really have a good heart.

40. Have you ever been a girl scout/boy scout? Yes and I loved it.  If I had had a girl there is no doubt that she would have been one as well.

41. If you were traveling to another continent would you rather fly or take a boat? Well I would not want to fly but I am not sure a boat would get me there, so I am going to say a ship.  I would rather take my time and see things as they go by.

42. Why is the sky blue during the day and black at night? I didn’t take biology yet and I don’t remember shit from school, so I am not equip to answer that question, but I think it has something to do with the ocean and the sun or something like that.

43. What does your name mean? Susan – Lily and Alyce – Truth, Noble

44. Would you rather explore the deeps of the ocean or outer space? OMG that is so tough to answer.  I love them both, maybe because they are both difficult to get to.

45. Word association:
What is the first word that comes to mind when you see the word:
Air: Wasted
Meat: Blood
Different: Us
Pink: Dress
Deserve: Earned
White: Milk
Elvis: The King
Magic: Illusionist
Heart: Golden/Gram
Clash: of the Titans
Pulp: fiction

46. If you could meet any person in the world who is dead who would you want it to be? A.A. Milne…I would want him to make a story with me in it and create my furry friends.

47. What if you could meet anyone who is alive? Bill Gates…He has got to be the most caring rich person I know.  I want to know what makes him different

48. Is there a movie that you love so much you could watch it every day? Pink Floyd, The Wall

49. You are going to be stuck alone in an elevator for a week. What do you bring to do? I think a notebook, so I could write what my mind is thinking and read back later on to see where it went.

50. Have you ever saved someone's life or had your life saved? When in Middle school I reported child abuse about a girl I knew.  Last I knew she hated me for it, but I wonder if she remembers and if so what does she think now.

51. Make up a definition for the following silly words...
Fruitgoogle: website with definitions of various fruit.
Ambytime: Where time stands still and you can reflect
Asscactus: When you walk into a crowded room and no one knows you

52. What was the last thing you made with your own hands? Do flyers count…I mean I had to create them.  Did a few last week.

53. What was your favorite toy as a child? My Sear’s stuffed Winnie the Pooh

54. How many TV's are in your house? One…I am only one person.

55. What is your favorite thing to do outside? Watch the clouds and make up stories of the shapes I see.  Did that all the time when I was a kid.

56. How do you feel when you see a rainbow? A new and clearness runs over me

57. Have you ever dreamt a dream that came true? Yes, and it is so friggin weird

58. Have you ever been to a psychic/tarot reader? LOL, yes when I was nineteen.  My brother’s girlfriend at the time begged me to go with her.  I was supposed to have three kids…OK, sure that happened

59. What is your idea of paradise? Where people didn’t judge you without knowing who you really are

60. Do you believe in God and if so what is he/she/it like? Yes, Understanding and looks at what you ARE doing not at what you have done and wants you to forgive yourself.

61. Do you believe in Hell? Yes, but I don’t think that non Christians are damned to go.

62. What one thing have you done that most people haven't? I think that all in all most people have their thing and well someone has had to have done things that I have

63. What is the kindest thing you have ever done? I don’t know.  I can’t put something in this question because what is considered kindest?

64. Are you a patient person? I can say no, but I am working on it.  I don’t freak when someone with twenty items gets in the ten items or less line.  So in some ways I guess I am.

65. What holiday should exist but doesn't? We have to many holidays, but I think that since Christmas is a major working holiday, why can’t we acknowledge other major religious holidays.  What makes Christianity so important?

66. What holiday shouldn't exist but does? I think that Presidents day and Martin Luther King day should be one day and not two.

67. What's the best joke you ever heard? This local weather guy shoveled himself out of his driveway and went to the food store.  While there and older lady hits him with her umbrella and he looks at her and says, “Why did you do that?”  Without a beat she answered, “You go and shovel the partly cloudy off my sidewalk!”  I don’t know if I did it right but I found it funny as hell when I read it in Reader’s Digest years ago.

68. Where is the most fun place you have EVER been? Taking walks with my son when he was very little.

69. Is your hair natural or dyed? Totally natural.  I am growing it for locks of love right now and it has to be virgin hair.

70. Do you have any deep dark secrets or are you pretty much up front? I am very careful who I share my secrets with.  There are some things that is better left within myself.

71. What is under your bed right now? The floor

72. If you were in the Land of Oz would you want to live there or go home? Depends if I could have my friends and family with me.  But for the most part, I think it might be a fun place to visit but I don’t think I would want to live there.  Maybe if it was Willy Wonka’s factory there might be a different answer

73. If you drive do you frequently speed? I do have a lead foot.  Denny says that is because I learned to drive in Jersey.  He is such an ass.
74. What is the world's best song to dance to? I am not much for dancing actually.  I like folk and rock and well they are not really dancing music

75. What song was on the last time you danced with someone? There was no song on, we just slow danced to the songs that were in our heads and mine was Enchanted Melody

76. Do you prefer Disney or Warner Brothers? Disney because they are the ones that carry Winnie-the-Pooh

77. What is the first animal you would run to see if you went to the zoo? That is tough because I always feel bad for them having to live their lives the way they do, but I guess I would pick a black bear so I could remember how my sister tried to get people to stop hunting them in New Jersey.

78. Would you consider yourself to be romantic? Nah, I am bad at that sort of thing.  I know, so anti girl right?

79. If the earth stopped rotating would we all fly off? The earth’s rotating is our gravity force...so I am guessing that we wouldn’t fly off per say but kina float away.

80. What is the one thing that you love to do so much that you would make sacrifices to be able to do it? Express myself in my writing.  If I was told how to write and what to write I would do all that I could to do as I want.

81. If you (and everyone) had to lose one right or freedom, but you could pick which one everyone had to lose, what would you pick? Our rights are now being taken away, one by one anyways so I couldn’t do it.

82. If you had to choose would you live on the equator or at the North Pole?
I hate the cold.  Enough said!

83. Would you rather give up listening to music or watching television? There is no hard choice here.  I would die without music and have had no problems without TV, so the answer is clear…

84. What do you think makes someone a hero? Someone who stands for what they believe in and most important, every man and woman who has served our country in either of the six branches of the military.  Thank you to all of you.

85. What cartoon would you like to be a character in? Winnie-the-Pooh…I think I would be a really good Eeyore.  I love the way he ponders everything.

86. Name one thing that turns your stomach.  Pedophiles

87. What was the last thing you paid for? Breakfast at school, with two eggs over easy, wheat toast and breakfast potatoes.

88. Are you a coupon clipper? No, I really slack at that

89. Get anything good in the mail recently? Nope…The same old crap

90. What would you take as a gym class?  Meditation

91. In Star Trek people 'beam' back and forth between different places. If you could be beamed anywhere on earth anytime you wanted where would that place be?  New Jersey…It is where my son is right now.

92. What insects are you afraid of? Cock Roaches

93. If you could print any phrase on a T-shirt, what would it say? "I am in my own little world, but that’s ok, everyone here likes me?”

94. What's the most eccentric thing you have ever worn? The definition of eccentric is “social awkward”  Well a lot of things I do, fits into this definition, so I can’t really pick one out exactly, but Ami would most likely say the time I walked around with a blanket with a hold cut in the middle and wore it like a poncho would be one.

95. If you could pick one food that you could eat all you wanted but it would have no effect on how much you weigh, what food would it be? Pizza without a doubt.

96. What are your parents interested in? Getting healthy again

97. Have you ever caught an insect and kept it as a pet? When I was a kid yeah, all the time.  Those poor countless lighting bugs.

98. What is more helpful to you, wishes or plans? Plans of course, they guide you.  If you have a plan to work with then you are going somewhere.  Wishes are no good for anyone really.  There is no action in it.

99. When do you feel your life energy the strongest? When I am emotionally well

100. You are spending the night alone in the woods and may bring only 3 items with you. What do you bring?
       1. Sleeeping bag
       2. Lighter (for fire)
       3. Notebook

101. What does happiness/joy feel like physically? Like you are floating on air

102. List five people you love starting with the one you love the absolute most.
       1. my son
       2. Dennis
       3. friends who I have chosen as family
       4. family
       5. rest of my friends

103. How many movies have you gone to see this month? It is only the 5th of November and I have not been to the movies yet, might be going tomorrow though

104. If you could have 3 wishes...but none of them could be for yourself, what would you wish for?
       1. for my son to have no more obstacles in his life that he can’t handle
       2. for people with mental illness who seek help, find it
       3. for those in domestic violence relationships to know that there is       another kind of life they could be living

105. In what ways do you relax and de-stress when you are really tense? I write guided imageries.  They help me to focus and something and bring my breathing to an even rhythm 

107. Have you ever killed an animal? No but I saw someone else do it.  Was not a good situation

108. Have you ever lost someone close to you? Who hasn’t

109. What do you think of cloning?  There are too many children without families already do we really need some other way of reproducing.

110. Do you read or watch TV more often? Mostly I do things online that require me to read so I am going to say read.  When I have breaks from school I find time to read books for fun though.

111. With all this talk of terrorism going around are you willing to sacrifice rights and freedoms for increased safety? Kidding me right?  The only way that would even come to surface is if the government tries to scare us into it and it would be false anyways.  God, don’t get me started.

112. What is the punishment you would come up with for Osama Bin Laden if you caught him alive? In my eyes there is no great punishment that would allow punishment for what he has done to my family, my friends, as well as my country...

113. Have you ever named an individual part of your body? Yeah kina but my son might read this so let’s just leave it at that

114. Have you ever been on the radio or on TV? Yeah once on the news.  No big deal.

115. Have you ever won a lottery or sweepstakes? Do scratch tickets or Keno count.  Nothing over a hundred though, but I really don’t play.

116. Have you ever won a contest or competition? I think as a kid

117. Did you like to watch The Joy of Painting show with Bob Ross?  LOL, back in the day of many smokes, he was so fascinating and even when I was younger I enjoyed watching him, but that was also back in the day of only like five or so channels to choose from.  You know when Denny lets his hair grow, people think he looks just like him.

118. Do you know what your grandparents and your great grand parents did for a living?  Gram was a seamstress and Gramp was a truck driver. 

119. Is there anything really interesting in your family history? Gramp was in the Minor leagues before he went off to WWII.  Gram grew up in a home because her mom was sick when she came over from Sweeden.

120. Is there anyone you trust completely? There are two people that I do and both of them know who they are.

121. Have you ever lost someone without having the chance to say goodbye? Yes, my sister.  Ten years now.

122. How do you feel about women in politics? Eh, Politicians are all the same in my book...  MALE or FEMALE, what’s good to line their pockets is not what is always good for us…

123. Would you rather have an indoor Jacuzzi or an outdoor pool?  Outdoor pool because I love to feel free in the water and how can you do that in a Jacuzzi.

124. What things are you interested in that you study or read about on your own? How the mind works on a conscious and an unconscious level

125. Would you consider yourself to be intelligent? I guess but sometimes I really doubt myself and then when something clicks I am like wow, I really get that and then I feel intelligent

126. Would you consider yourself to be wise? Of course, I know I like to learn from someone who has “been there” more than someone trying to teach me something that they learned from a book

127. Have you ever given or received a lap dance? Yes, but I would rather not go into detail

128. Have you ever spoken to a homeless person? Sure have, several times actually…I have learned much from them that I could never have known

129. Would you ever creep into the subway tunnels to go exploring? Oh yeah,  I am actually thinking about seeing if there are even the slightest remains of the Beach Pneumatic Transit system

130. If you could add 70 years to your life but only by making some random person die 70 years sooner would you? Absolutely not.

131. Can you finish any of the following lyrics? Nope... Not a one of them...
1. Nothing to kill or die for...and no religion too..Imagine; John Lennon
2. Late comings with the late comin' stretcher...No idea on this one
3. I could make a film and make you my star...Lost on this one as well

132. Were you ever with someone while they died?  Yes, my sister…

133. Would you rather be a world political leader or a rock star? Rock star because with my lyrics I could really let people understand my thoughts and besides, lyrics stay in the heads of many because they can relate and who really remembers what most politicians say.

134. Have you ever given someone a love letter that you wrote? Yes a few times

135. Have you ever sent someone a surprise though the mail?  LOL… yes someone received a huge surprise from me once

136. Are you looking forward to any concerts right now? No but I would like to see Deer Tick tomorrow.

137. Of all animated movies, which is the best one you've ever seen? Avatar…Saw it twice in IMAX 3-D

138. What are the best bands or songs to listen to while driving?  Anything I can sing to that keeps me awake.

139. What do you think is the most amazing thing that anyone has ever accomplished? Childbirth...

140. What could a member of the opposite sex do to impress you?  LOL.  Seriously.  I am not giving away the big secret.

141. About how many emails do you get a day? Too many

142. What is your favorite thing to do online besides filling out surveys? Looking up things that interest me and finding interest in new things.

143. Do you believe Kurt Cobain killed himself or was it a conspiracy? Haven't really thought about it...

144. Have you ever thought about hitchhiking across the country? Not hitch-hiking, for that is way to dangerous… but have thought about buying a trailer and just going.

145. Who would you bring with you on this kind of a road trip? My son, Denny, Ami, Liv and Darilynn.  I would just hope that everyone could get along.

146. Of the following, which word best describes you: accurate, bold, charming, dependable...  Bold

147. If you are single, at about what age do you think you will be ready to settle down and get married? If you are married, how old were you at the time?  Hummmm how do I put this lightly….NEVER AGAIN 

148. Do you often wonder, when you say goodbye to people, if it is the last time you will ever see them? Sometimes I have.  I try not to think about it

149. What movie are you most looking forward to seeing when it comes out? The new Winnie-the-Pooh movie that will be out the week of my birthday.  It will have six new stories from the original books.

150. What is your quest?  To become a published author

151. What is louder and more annoying: 200 adults talking or one four-year-old screaming? 200 adults talking without a doubt.  I could never stand in a room with that going on, but a four year old can be entertaining

152. Do you believe the stories about planes, boats and people mysteriously disappearing into the Bermuda triangle?  Who knows.  Might be something I find myself looking up on the net.

153. Who are you the most jealous of? Young adults who are headed in the right direction and I am jealous of them because of the choices I made when I was twenty

154. What is the happiest way you can start your day? When the weather is nice and warm but not too warm and it just got done raining and the sun begins to makes it way from behind the clouds.

155. Do you ever have moments where you feel like everything is all right in the world?  In the world, That will never happen.  In my world…yeah sometimes I do.

156. Who thinks that you are offensive? It depends on who you ask...

157. If you had to teach a class in something, what would you be able to teach people? How to use coping skills when dealing with a potential crisis moment.

158. Have you ever had a spiritual experience (an experience that cannot be explained by science)? Yes a few, but one that stands out is once my son was climbing a recliner and he fell but as he fell he fell very slowly and it looked as though someone was placing him on the ground on his back rather then his head like he should have.

159. Do you believe that this experience was truly mystical or do you think there is some scientific explanation for it, only you don't know what it is?  No I know exactly what it was and science could not explain it

160. Do you get offended easily? It actually takes a lot to offend me but once you do, I am so deeply hurt by it.

161. Would you still love and stay with your signifigant other if he or she had to have a breast or testicle removed? Without a doubt

162. Do you believe in fate or free will? God gave man freewill.  That is what I believe

163. Do you believe that only boring people get bored? No. There are quite a few fun people that I know that sometimes feel bored.

164. Can life change or are we all stuck in vain? Shall we go back to freewill again.

165. What changes are you afraid of? I remember being disrespectful from time to time, but it seems to me that kids today seem to think that being disrespectful is the norm.

166. Are you a day person or nocturnal? More of a day person I think.

167. What one CD could you listen to for an entire week (no mixed CD’s, it must be an album)? Pink Floyd, The Wall

168. Which is worse, working in retail, food service, or an office? Oh an office without a doubt. 

169. What's the coolest job you ever had? I dressed up like Grimmis from Mickey D’s.  I thought that was pretty fun

170. What is one central idea that your thoughts seem to come back to? The whole teaching a man to fish kind of idea when pertaining to homeless people who suffer from mental illness.  Rather than supplying a bed, find the services they need, i.e. mental health services, and help them find proper housing.  I am really concerned about the vets coming back…are we going to have the same outcome with those from Vietnam who suffered with PTSD.  The whole thought just scares the shit out of me.

171. Have you ever wanted to be an actor/tress? Maybe when I was young

172. If you had the power to control one person and make this person do anything you wanted for a whole day, who would you pick and what would they do? I would never want to have that kind of power over someone…again should we go back to freewill

173. What star sign are you and what is your sign like? Cancer and not really sure what you mean by like, since I am not into that sort of thing

174. Did the Blair Witch Project scare you? Not at all.  It drove me crazy with the way the camera moved that I had to turn it off

175. Are you in constant fear of death?  I think I think about it too much

176. Does fear of death keep you from building a life?  It used to

177. Do you like all your movies to be in wide-screen?  Oh yeah.  You miss so much otherwise

178. Are you a fan of any comic books? I like the comic book movies…when I was a kid I really like Richie Rich

179. At what age did you attend your first funeral? I am guessing here…maybe about eight?

180. What do you smell like (lotion, cologne, sweat)? Varies depending on which bath and body works spray I use

181. What are your greatest sources for wisdom? My Gram back in the day, now mostly just anyone who wants to share with me

182. When you were little, where did your parents tell you babies come from? I don’t even remember that conversation coming up.  I think I was a bit confused at one time.  Because I was adopted I thought people went to a store and picked one up.

183. What is your favorite band? That is an unfair question.  You can’t just pick one.  I guess I would have to say Pink Flyod

184. What's the best cheesy 80's song?  The Breakfast Club theme song

185. What's the best kind of movie to see on a date? Romantic Comedies

186. Do you like to sit in the front, middle or back of the Movie Theater? Right in the middle

187. Have you ever been inside an abandoned building? Oh yeah, I used to love doing that sort of thing.  There used to be an old railway station down the street from me when I was a kid.  I liked going there.

188. Under what circumstances would you agree to work for free? Helping Women of Domestic Violence, Children of abuse and the homeless

189. Candles or strobe lights? If you asked me this question twenty-five years ago I would have without a doubt said strobe lights but now it is candles

190. Do you think the Lord of the Rings movies are true to the books or did Hollywood change the story too much?  The layout and substance was off a bit.

191. When you see a stranger on the street does your first reaction lean towards thinking of this person as a potential friend or as a potential threat? Depends on the time of day really

192. Is it natural for human beings to fear and distrust each other, or is it cultural?  All you have to do is look at the average three year old to see which is true. 

193. What do you really want to buy?  I would really like the new iPad.

194. You have to choose. Would you be happier marrying someone rich for their money or living in the streets and subway tunnels with someone you love? Money is the root of all evil.  If you got it you want more.  If you don’t have it you want it.  I think I would rather want some rather then wanting more.  And most important, I would not want to be with someone who has it and wants more.

195. If someone wanted to understand you what book could they read that would help? Shelf Life

196. Do you think it’s odd that Americans have freedom of religion and yet call themselves 'one nation under god'?  It states One Nation, NOT One God...  Therefore; No I do not...

197. In what sense are you a minority? I am a woman

198. Are you anti social? When I am sick I can be very, but when I am well I am in the norm

199. Do you photograph well? Yeah…ok

200. Do you think that human beings would survivor through a nuclear winter?  Not sure we would really want to

201. Put these creatures in order from what you would least like to be reincarnated as (1), to what you would most like to be reincarnated as (10) assuming reincarnation ended up existing AND you were given a choice.
       1. Oak Tree
       2. Dolphin
       3. Wild Dog
       4. House Dog
       5. Caterpillar
       6. Manta Ray
       7. Vulture
       8. Rock
       9. Female Human
       10. Male Human

202. What do you feel unworthy of? Understanding

203. Would you rather be remembered for having done something for humanity or being a really nice person?  Why can’t I do both

204. Which do you value more: science or intuition? Intuition

205. Your best friend and your significant other are in the hospital at the same time with the same ailment. Who do you visit first? Wouldn’t have to choose..I would demand that they are in the same room and hope they get along.

206. Does the universe revolve around human beings? God, I hope not

207. If you are no longer a virgin, do you wish you still were? I would rather not say

208. Who is your favorite poet of those who are alive right now? Couldn’t say

209. What is your favorite song from the 90's? I guess the Free Willy theme song, because any time I think about that song, I see my son in his underwear in the backyard with his little tape player singing along and dancing to that song when he was around three.

210. If you were in alphabet soup what letter would you be? This question is not worthy of an answer…it makes no sense

211. Do you believe in fairies, aliens, angels, dwarves, elves, etc.?  I don’t believe in them but a part of me wishes there were fairies around

212. What makes you want to be someone’s friend? If they are caring and talkative and bright and speak their mind.

213. Do you troll around the Internet harassing people anonymously for fun? You know I did do that sort of thing back in the day, I am over it now

214. Have you ever seen the movie A Man Who Fell to Earth? No I have not

215. What is your favorite line from a movie? “Mother, should I trust the Government?”

216. What's your favorite video game? Original Sonic the Hedgehog

217. Have you ever taken something that wasn't yours? Yes, sad but true

218. What is one phrase people say that irritates you? Well only one person says this, but he says it all the time.  At first it was funny but after nine years it is a little old.  If you say to him, “are you all right.”  His response all the time is, “No, I am half left.

219. You allow strangers to read your diary, blog, and/or myspace, but would you let your parents read it? LOL…yeah….I don’t think so

220. Hot steamy bubble bath or quick in and out shower? What happened to the nice long hot shower.

221. Are you allergic to anything?  Some kind of anti biotic and strawberries.  Used to me allergic to milk and it would make me have bad nasal congestion but I think I out grew it.

222. What is your favorite Terminator movie? It would have to be the second one, because it is the only one I will sit though.  Love the way the metal guy changes.

223. What is your favorite fast food? Subway

224. What would someone have to do to get you to never speak to him or her again?  Disrespect me

225. Would (or have) you ever whip someone or be whipped by someone in bed? No

226. Have you ever said 'I hate everyone' and really meant it literally? When I was symptomatic, yes all the time.

227. Why do some people want to get more money than they could ever spend? Lets go back to the root of all evil

228. Have you ever won a carnival fish? Yeah actually I think I did.

229. Did it live more than a week? I think so

230. What's the best sounding accent a person can have? Depends on the person saying it. 

231. What's the most boring thing you've ever read? Would you like to read my English text book and proper writing skills?  I know, I have a lot to learn.  I don’t even try here.

232. Do you prefer buttons or touch screens? I don’t like finger prints on my screen so I will have to say buttons

233. Do you think there is a lot of similarity between the Harry Potter books and the Lord of the Rings series? Ummm…no

234. Would you consider yourself to be naive? In some aspects of my life…but isn’t everyone like that

235. Which of your friends is most likely to go to jail?  Sorry Denny.

236. What is the smallest amount of money that could be in a public toilet that would make you reach in and grab it? Depends again is there something else in the toilet.

237. Would you ever wear real fur? Never

238. Arachnophobia or Eight Legged Freaks? I am lost here…I think there is a reference to the same thing here

239. What are your feelings about police officers? They need to be more skilled on dealing with people with mental illness while in crisis.  Other than that we are all good with them

240. What is your favorite line from a song? Friend or foe, we are all just equal in the end…now let’s see who can tell me the name of the song, except for Sal

241. Is fifty dollars a lot of money? Used to be, why you got some to give me.

242. Do you like the band Front 242?  Not sure who they are

243. Would you rather have fame, money, or self-satisfaction? I guess self-satisfaction.

244. What's your middle name? Answered that a while ago but here it is…Alyce

245. What is the absolute limit, the craziest thing you would do for a million dollars? Run down Times Square naked.  I think it would scare others more than myself

246. Are you good, evil or neutral? I can be both, so I am going to say neutral

247. Should ebonics be considered a language? Is it even still used

248. What color is your bedroom? Off white

What color would you like it to be? Purple

249. When are you planning to move to a new home? Just got here.  Should be here through school

250. If you added up the cost of everything in the room with you, approximately what would it come out to be? Damn, I have no idea and really I have been at this for quite a while and ma kina tired.  F the math and who cares anyways.