Welcome to My Bumpy Ride.......

Before you all read on, I guess it is best to introduce myself to you and let you know a bit about myself. I am Susan, and first and foremost, I am a mother to a wonderful young man. Though he is grown, he will always be that three year old little boy, that asked all those questions and expected answers to them all. Though I will tell you much about myself in this blog there is no one or nothing that is as important to me as him, even if I don't discuss him much, because he kina likes to remain private.

For years I was actively trying to find myself, but that was a big waste of time, since by doing so I was not living. All my life I have always known that I was "different", but was unable to know why that was. I first thought that perhaps it was because I was adopted, but that was not the case. Turns out, I am bipolar and pretty much have been all my life. This was explained to me about nine years ago when I had a major melt down. I tend to be more on the depressive side, but have on occasion been quite manic. My last episode was early thru mid 2008, with full blown depression. For five months, I bearly left my house, let alone my bed. Why am I telling you this? I just want it out in the open and let you understand that I discuss my illness from time to time.

Present day, I am currently a full time student, studying social work. At the end of 2011 I was approached by a mentor of mine, who mentioned a new program that was going to launch here in Rhode Island. This new program called the Peer Wellness Coaching, was something that I had always wished would become a reality and to add even more excitement was the fact that this mentor was inviting me to train for a position as one of the Peer Wellness Coaches.

So currently (spring 2012) I am part of the three phases of training and should be employed by the fall of 2012. What is even more excellent about this program is that they are aware of my education goals and are willing to work with me on maintaining those goals.

Also you might hear me mention NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), because I am actively involved with them. I am a facilitator and state trainer for the NAMI Connection groups (peer run support group) here in Rhode Island, and I also help teach high school and college students about mental illness through NAMI RI's Inside Mental Illness program.

So with all that being said...I hope you read on to my daily activities and thoughts and such.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Entry for November 2, 2010 Election Day

Spent the night with Denny last night.  We watched the movie Braveheart.  I had never wanted to watch that movie, but since I didn’t have many movies to choose from for my final project in Western Civ, I decided that it was the best choice, since it is one of Denny’s favourite movies and he could help me with my final project.  Turned out that all these years I was knocking a pretty good movie.  I was quite surprised how much I liked it.  I feel better for having watched it so early and getting a good head start on my final project.

While at Denny’s we got a good chance to talk and reconnect.  Since moving out two months ago, I have been wondering if I was doing the right thing.  We have lived together since the spring of 2003 and after all these years it seems that I have grown quite a bit and Denny seems to be stagnating and it was causing us to argue quite a bit.  Also I used to enjoy going out for drinks with him and that sort of thing, but since we moved here to Providence, I have noticed that he has been going out way more then he used to and even when we go out, there has to be alcohol involved. 

We have talked about my feelings on the issue and he has voiced his, but it seemed as though we were arguing more and more about it so I proposed to him that I would move out, in order to keep myself healthy and give him an opportunity to really focus on himself.  It was a hard decision to make, but I feel that it was best for the both of us.

Since moving out, Denny had a bit of depression hit him and he is finding it hard to manage his finances, and I feel bad about that situation but I feel that he has to do something to help himself, and having me there to bail him out is not going to help him in any way.  As hard as this is, I still today feel that I made the right decision.

Anyways, so this morning I started to get ready to go to vote and then head here to get some studying done, well on the end table in the living room I notice he left his wallet.  Knowing that he had his therapy appointment today and he had to still vote after work, I grabbed the wallet and dropped it off at his work.  I know that I was making something easier for him and that I really should have not done that but I knew that if he had a choice to either vote or go to therapy, he would choose going to vote.

Ok, so I get home and have the whole idea of studying and then I looked over at my bed and thought, “Ok, just a little while in bed would be great.”  I woke up four hours later!  Talk about a total waste of time!

My friend’s surgery went well and she is doing fine with some pain though.  I am thinking that perhaps I might head out and see her this Friday.  I could do it.  My last class ends at eleven and I usually get home around twelve, so I can really make the four o’clock bus to Albany.  It is going to cost a bit, but totally worth it.

I guess that is about it.  This was a lot longer than I expected really.  I was wondering what I was going to write about and didn’t even think I would have much of a blog.  Looks like I was way wrong.

Today’s picture is the first book I ever read by myself.  I know it is a little odd that someone would remember that, but I do, because I remember going around the house and reading to anyone that would listen to me.  You could imagine my delight when my son was young, and seeing that they made a show about Little Bear.  Well that is it you all.  TTFN

No comments:

Post a Comment