Welcome to My Bumpy Ride.......

Before you all read on, I guess it is best to introduce myself to you and let you know a bit about myself. I am Susan, and first and foremost, I am a mother to a wonderful young man. Though he is grown, he will always be that three year old little boy, that asked all those questions and expected answers to them all. Though I will tell you much about myself in this blog there is no one or nothing that is as important to me as him, even if I don't discuss him much, because he kina likes to remain private.

For years I was actively trying to find myself, but that was a big waste of time, since by doing so I was not living. All my life I have always known that I was "different", but was unable to know why that was. I first thought that perhaps it was because I was adopted, but that was not the case. Turns out, I am bipolar and pretty much have been all my life. This was explained to me about nine years ago when I had a major melt down. I tend to be more on the depressive side, but have on occasion been quite manic. My last episode was early thru mid 2008, with full blown depression. For five months, I bearly left my house, let alone my bed. Why am I telling you this? I just want it out in the open and let you understand that I discuss my illness from time to time.

Present day, I am currently a full time student, studying social work. At the end of 2011 I was approached by a mentor of mine, who mentioned a new program that was going to launch here in Rhode Island. This new program called the Peer Wellness Coaching, was something that I had always wished would become a reality and to add even more excitement was the fact that this mentor was inviting me to train for a position as one of the Peer Wellness Coaches.

So currently (spring 2012) I am part of the three phases of training and should be employed by the fall of 2012. What is even more excellent about this program is that they are aware of my education goals and are willing to work with me on maintaining those goals.

Also you might hear me mention NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), because I am actively involved with them. I am a facilitator and state trainer for the NAMI Connection groups (peer run support group) here in Rhode Island, and I also help teach high school and college students about mental illness through NAMI RI's Inside Mental Illness program.

So with all that being said...I hope you read on to my daily activities and thoughts and such.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Entry for December 28’ 2010 No Excuse for Not Writing

I could sit here and tell you all I have been mega busy or something to that affect, but that would be partially lying. Up until December 16th I could honestly tell you that I was way busy with school and final projects and exams, but since then I have been so not busy it is starting to really drive me crazy. It is funny when I think about how I have changed in the past three years. I actually got excited if I was as active as I am right now this second. To be up and out of bed was a big accomplishment back in that time. Now this not having anything to do for days is really taking its toll on me.

My biggest fear when it comes to having nothing to do for a few days is me falling back into the old patterns and finding myself deep in that pit of depression. I know it is easy for me to fall into that pit and I even had to fight it this past semester. I missed three days of classes in a row because of the feeling of not wanting to get out of bed and that feeling of it not really mattering if I get up and join the human race. On that forth day I had to be at the bus stop at six thirty in the morning and believe me when I tell you that getting up that morning was the hardest thing I had to do in a long time. I did manage to get up and go, but I felt like I was in a fog the whole rest of the week. You see when I say I missed three days of classes and stayed in bed that whole time, it was actually six days because of the weekend and the day we had off for some reason or another.

I am thankful that I forced myself to get going and get back on track with school, because I can’t afford to fail anything there because of financial reasons. If I fail anything there, I can never try this again. There is no more chances, this is it.

Well the good that came out of it all is that since I am aware of my patterns and moods, I am better able to address them and see if I can work them out on my own and if not, have the power to find someone who can help me with that.

So with the semester over I can tell you all that I did finish and I managed to pull off a semester grade point average of 3.92 out of a 4.0, with a cumulative average of a 3.88. Basically what this means is I made the Dean’s list for the semester. This is something that I was working toward and even with my quick bout of depression I was able to pull it off. I am so happy that I did manage to still get the goal I set for myself and proud that I was able to deal with my illness when I needed to. So my picture today is a copy of my grades from my first semester (where I tried only two classes to see if I could do it) and this semester.

Hope you all have a great one. TTFN

1 comment:

  1. Way to go! I really am so proud of you because I have tried doing school while depressed and it is HARD. And I am so happy to hear from you. Don't be such a stranger. Hope you have a wonderful New Years!