Welcome to My Bumpy Ride.......

Before you all read on, I guess it is best to introduce myself to you and let you know a bit about myself. I am Susan, and first and foremost, I am a mother to a wonderful young man. Though he is grown, he will always be that three year old little boy, that asked all those questions and expected answers to them all. Though I will tell you much about myself in this blog there is no one or nothing that is as important to me as him, even if I don't discuss him much, because he kina likes to remain private.

For years I was actively trying to find myself, but that was a big waste of time, since by doing so I was not living. All my life I have always known that I was "different", but was unable to know why that was. I first thought that perhaps it was because I was adopted, but that was not the case. Turns out, I am bipolar and pretty much have been all my life. This was explained to me about nine years ago when I had a major melt down. I tend to be more on the depressive side, but have on occasion been quite manic. My last episode was early thru mid 2008, with full blown depression. For five months, I bearly left my house, let alone my bed. Why am I telling you this? I just want it out in the open and let you understand that I discuss my illness from time to time.

Present day, I am currently a full time student, studying social work. At the end of 2011 I was approached by a mentor of mine, who mentioned a new program that was going to launch here in Rhode Island. This new program called the Peer Wellness Coaching, was something that I had always wished would become a reality and to add even more excitement was the fact that this mentor was inviting me to train for a position as one of the Peer Wellness Coaches.

So currently (spring 2012) I am part of the three phases of training and should be employed by the fall of 2012. What is even more excellent about this program is that they are aware of my education goals and are willing to work with me on maintaining those goals.

Also you might hear me mention NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), because I am actively involved with them. I am a facilitator and state trainer for the NAMI Connection groups (peer run support group) here in Rhode Island, and I also help teach high school and college students about mental illness through NAMI RI's Inside Mental Illness program.

So with all that being said...I hope you read on to my daily activities and thoughts and such.

Friday, December 31, 2010

Entry for December 31, 2010 Choices that Change the Course of Life

Have you ever had to make a quick decision that could alter your life, with little time to make it?  Well I had one of those moments last night.  I am not going to go into what that decision was I just wanted to state that last night was the time I made it.  I guess I want to see it in print so later, should I fail to carry it out, I can see that it was made at some point.

Looks like I am going to be spending New Years Eve alone.  I am not overly disappointed about it at all actually.  I am kind of happy that I can relax and not worry about getting home and worrying about the many drunk drivers that are going to be on the road.  Not only will there be the regular drunk drivers, but there will be the ones that only drink for special occasions.  In my eyes, it will be a blood bath out there. 

Now I know I over exaggerate about drinking and driving, but I can’t understand what goes on in the heads of those that choose to get behind the wheel when they are stumbling around on foot.  I mean how friggin hard is it to call a cab or hoof it home.  I know that if I am deciding to go and drink outside of my home and I am driving myself there I always think about how I will get home or if I can stay until I am sober.  It makes no sense to me why this is even an issue anymore.  Shit, are we not aware of the possibilities.  I know it has been thrown down my throat since before I could even drive.

Personally I have had friends and friends of friends die from drinking or drug related accidents.  In high school alone there were seven deaths and three in one year.  And I knew all these people personally.  Just after the first one, I made the decision that I would never be in that position and have carried it out to where there have been many times that I would sit at a party or whatever and drink a coke so I could get myself and my friends home safely.  Each time as I drove I was hoping that any car I passed that the person behind the wheel had made the same decision I had.

I understand that many who are addicted to alcohol are not using the best judgment in the first place, but come on there is no reason to make your car a deadly weapon.  I saw this billboard here around town in a few places.  It has a large picture of a man in is late twenties to early thirties and the caption reads something like this, “So and So had 15 DUI arrests and killing So and So was her 16th.  I want to ask, why the fuck was she even out of jail in the first place.  How many arrests does a person have to have before they are convicted?  Oh I guess they have to hurt or kill someone in order to keep them behind bars for any real amount of time.

I want you to know that the decision I had to make last night is not related to this discussion that I am having now and honestly I don’t know why I chose to write about this.  I can only say that when I sit down to write my blogs, I really have no idea where it is going to turn, just that I write and I don’t think, I just type away and you all get to see where my mind heads to.

Today’s picture is one of my favorite pictures as far as New Years pictures go.

With that I am going to say Have a Save and Happy New Year.  TTFN

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