Just spent the whole weekend with Denny. I am really amazed that we have managed to prevail
through his sobriety. I was really
concerned that once he was sober he would change somehow, after all that is
what I was told by a few people. We are
now able to have some really deep and meaningful conversations, and I am really
enjoying it as well as he is. Last
Sunday I was able to express to him the many fears and much anger I had toward
him while he was drinking and it was received with much understanding. Even though he has been sober now for almost
thirteen months, I had never really expressed those feeling that I felt to him
during that time. I guess I was afraid
that it backfire and cause him to relapse or something. I think that because of the honesty that I
shared with him last Sunday we were finally able to move past the hurt feelings
and we are now looking into the future with a better attitude.
There is talk now of us moving back in with each other. I will be honest here as I was with him, I am
a bit nervous. My biggest fear of moving
back in with him is that he might relapse and I will have brought myself back
into the situation I took myself out of a year and a half ago. I expressed this to him a bit this weekend
and he told me that his decision to quit was influenced by the fact that he
realized that he was losing me. Wow,
that just blew me away. I don’t think
that I have ever felt so loved like I did at that moment as we sat outside
having cokes in front of a small cigar bar. (Yes, he started smoking cigars
since he became sober). People were
walking all up and down the street and no one knew the intense love that I felt
at that moment. I will never forget the
ways his eyes looked as he expressed his feelings.
Though we are talking about moving into a new place together,
we are going to take it slow and honestly I want to wait until his two year
mark. It is something that I had talked
to him about previous and he totally understands. Even though that is what I am aiming for, I
am not sure I can wait that long because of outside forces. Currently I am training for a new job as a
Peer Wellness Coach, and if what they say is true about how we are going to be
paid when we are done, I don’t think that I will qualify for the housing that I
am currently in. If that is the case,
then we might have to rush it along faster than I wanted to. We have to find a place near where he lives
that will take our two cats and is three bedrooms (no matter what I need a room
of my own and he wants an extra bedroom for friends that visit).
Lastly, Denny has to figure out what to do with his free
loading roommate. I am not going to say
much here, because this is again a super long blog, but I will just say this
a**hole has not paid Denny since August.
Believe me, tomorrow I will go more into the situation that is the
roommate. Just thinking about it gets me
worked up. I did tell Denny that I will
not live with that man and he said that he is working on getting him out and
that it will not be an issue. All I know
is if he doesn’t take care of it soon, I will.
I am born and raised in New Jersey and I am not afraid to use my Jersey attitude
with this douche. Ok enough of that guy
getting into my pleasant thoughts.
I slept next to Denny last night and OMG I so love waking up
next to him. I love how he feels me stir
and wraps his arms around me and holds me close until I am awake enough to get
up. I have never really been one to
enjoy display of affection, but for some reason with Denny it almost seems
natural. It feels like he knows what I
am thinking. It is funny, today while we
were sitting on the porch in front of his place, he was one step above me and I
wrapped myself around his knee and he placed his arm around me and he said that
we fit nicely. My god, it is like he
knows what I am thinking. All I have to
say is though I have always loved him even when he drank; I so love this new
sober Denny so much more than I thought I could. Ok I guess that is all. Just got to go and find a picture for today…brb.
Alright, this picture was taken a few years ago. I just love his big smile in this one that I
wanted to share it with you all. TTFN
you all.
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