Welcome to My Bumpy Ride.......

Before you all read on, I guess it is best to introduce myself to you and let you know a bit about myself. I am Susan, and first and foremost, I am a mother to a wonderful young man. Though he is grown, he will always be that three year old little boy, that asked all those questions and expected answers to them all. Though I will tell you much about myself in this blog there is no one or nothing that is as important to me as him, even if I don't discuss him much, because he kina likes to remain private.

For years I was actively trying to find myself, but that was a big waste of time, since by doing so I was not living. All my life I have always known that I was "different", but was unable to know why that was. I first thought that perhaps it was because I was adopted, but that was not the case. Turns out, I am bipolar and pretty much have been all my life. This was explained to me about nine years ago when I had a major melt down. I tend to be more on the depressive side, but have on occasion been quite manic. My last episode was early thru mid 2008, with full blown depression. For five months, I bearly left my house, let alone my bed. Why am I telling you this? I just want it out in the open and let you understand that I discuss my illness from time to time.

Present day, I am currently a full time student, studying social work. At the end of 2011 I was approached by a mentor of mine, who mentioned a new program that was going to launch here in Rhode Island. This new program called the Peer Wellness Coaching, was something that I had always wished would become a reality and to add even more excitement was the fact that this mentor was inviting me to train for a position as one of the Peer Wellness Coaches.

So currently (spring 2012) I am part of the three phases of training and should be employed by the fall of 2012. What is even more excellent about this program is that they are aware of my education goals and are willing to work with me on maintaining those goals.

Also you might hear me mention NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), because I am actively involved with them. I am a facilitator and state trainer for the NAMI Connection groups (peer run support group) here in Rhode Island, and I also help teach high school and college students about mental illness through NAMI RI's Inside Mental Illness program.

So with all that being said...I hope you read on to my daily activities and thoughts and such.

Sunday, May 27, 2012


I figured since I was wide awake here at 1:30am and waiting for a video to upload on YouTube, I would write a blog.  I finished my training for Peer Wellness, and took the test on Friday.  I am not sure how I did; most of the questions were write-in.  I was really hoping for multiple choice, but it didn’t work out that way.  Now I have to apply for my internship and just found out on Friday that I can’t apply at the mental health center that I go to.  I am pretty disappointed in that, but I can understand why. 

Soon I should be training for the Coach part of my new job.  That training will only be four days and it is paid.  That training will be to satisfy the insurance companies so I will be able to bill them.  I am excited for this new opportunity, but I am scared, because with this new job, I will lose almost or maybe all of the benefits I receive now.  

The big one is medical.  I don’t know how I am going to afford it on my own and there is the whole pre-existing condition to worry about.  The good thing about getting my own insurance though, is being able to have a larger choice of doctors and therapist.  I think I have out grown my mental health center and am ready to move on to just a therapist and med doctor.  I have not used the case manager part of my treatment in almost a year. 

Also because my housing is provided by my mental health center, I know that I have to move, but I discussed this in my previous entry.  My worry is that I will not have much time to work out finding a nice place for Denny and I and have to take the first available apartment we find or worse yet, move in to the place he lives at now, where I used to live with him.

Alright, I told you all that I would talk a bit about the roommate Denny has now.  I will try to keep it quick, but be warned, there is sooooo much about this free loading bastard that bothers me.

Let’s start out by saying that he has not paid for rent since August.  Yes, people that is right, he has been living completely rent free for nine months.  I know it is Denny’s responsibility to make this dumbass pay, but because Denny is so damn good natured, he can’t bring himself to do anything about it.  My God it aggravates me to no end.  I wonder how a person could blatantly walk around so casual knowing that they are totally free loading off of another person.  I would feel sick inside.  When I lived with Denny I paid and I got shit for money, not like this guy gets much, but it is more per month than I got back then. 

So right now this shit gets free rent, cable, internet, heat, hot water, food, electric, phone and basic supplies like toilet paper and laundry soap.  He can’t even clean anything.  One time Denny left this ass’ dishes sitting in the sink and they sat and piled up for three friggin weeks.  I couldn’t take it no more and went off on him.  Yes he actually fears me, but yet he tries to get between Denny and me.  I know he is or was trying to put a wedge between the two of us, because he know that I know what he is all about.  He placates me all the time.  He tries to act like is my friend, but I know it is because he is trying to save his place in the house.

His job is a joke!  I don’t know his title or the exact name of his own business, but I can explain it to you all.  He calls people for donations to the VFW here in the area and when someone donates he goes and collects it.  The area he works at is a vacation spot for the rich.  Most of his business is done in the spring and summer.  So you might be wondering, how does he make money doing that?  He gets 40 fucking percent of what he brings in.  That alone is fucked up!!!  At first when I heard this, I was thinking he was covering up for a drug dealing business, but believe or not it is true.  That is messed up!!! Say you donate $100, 40 of that goes into the grubby hands of someone else.  That alone pisses me off.

Ok so the reason I shared this.  I was talking to him in the winter (his off season) and told him that he should look for something else.  I told him it was easy as hell to work in a restaurant or a convenience store and that frigging bastard said that it would be lowing himself to do that.  What the fuck is shit.  Money is money, shit I worked at Wendy’s, Mickey D’s and Cumberland Farms.  So basically that ass is telling me that I am lower than him.  Hummmm.  I think he has that wrong.  I pay my bills.  I have no problem working where I receive money.  Even when the government says that I don’t have to work, I am finding my way to do so.  So what the fuck is he talking about.  Ok that was point two in the reasons why I don’t like him.

Last and final point. I currently live in an area that is quite urban.  Yes I find it a bit scary to walk around at night, but I get that way at Denny’s as well.  I am a woman after all, and well you just never know.  One time Denny and I were in a cab and when I gave the driver my address he referred to the area as clown town.  Since then, that dumbass makes jokes about where I live and how he could never walk around there even during the day.  Now here is something funny.  About two blocks from my apartment is the local huge homeless shelter and one time that this ass drove me home he asked me what it was.  LOL.  I said he should really know what it is because he is going to need to know someday.  Oh the look I got from him was priceless.

Oh yeah I have to tell you the most recent thing that happened.  I decided to tell him that Denny and I are in the process of getting set to find a new apartment and was clear in telling him that the new apartment would just be for Denny and I.  He was taken aback a bit and said he was surprised.  I reminded him that the only reason I moved out in the first place was because of Denny’s drinking and now that he is sober for over a year I am pretty confident that he is serious about his sobriety.  He then says he is worried about Denny’s upcoming visit with his college friends, because as he puts it, “they are pretty good drinkers.”  I was like what!!! So this asshole would find a way to make sure that Denny starts drinking again just so he can remain in the apartment.  You know what, I would not put it past him to do something like that.  After all, the dumbass is a drinker himself. 

Ok all done and sorry about just going on and on about a douche bag.  Oh and the picture above is the douche.  Figured that you all would want to have a face to go with the rant about him.  Ok enough or I will go on and on with all his stupid shit.  At least Denny finally said something to him today about all his shit he brought into the house and the fact that he has not paid, since the douche pretends it is not an issue.  Ok seriously, I am done! TTFN

1 comment:

  1. The further away from that man the better you and Denny will be. What a schmuck! I am actually really proud of you for standing your ground like you do....very admirable quality Susan. I will send you light and love from afar so that you and Denny find a safe place to live just in time for you to move out.
    Afton aka In the Pink