Been home since Monday afternoon, and have not done anything of real substance since coming home. Actually I think this is the first time after the end of the semester that I have actually spent a good amount of time home alone doing nothing. Dennis thinks that I will go into a depression and just stay at home, but I reminded him that I have to go out on Thursday for an ear Doctor Appointment. I have seriously considered canceling, but I really need to have my hearing aids adjusted, so it is not an option.
My visit at Dad’s house was quite stressful. Between my father given up and my brother being my brother, I was counting the days as soon as I got there. When I took Dad to the doctor, the doctor informed me that Dad is not doing anything to help himself at all. The doctor basically told me that if Dad doesn’t do anything to help himself, he will die soon. I realized this already when I first got there, but to hear the doctor tell me made it more final. The whole time that I was there at Dad’s, all Dad kept saying is how he wished that he would just die. I can understand that Dad is depressed and if anyone should understand it, it should be me, but I found it hard to deal with. I did tell the doctor to put my father on an antidepressant and I can only hope that Dad takes them.
My brother was another issue. He is so friggin self centered that it makes me sick. Luckily my brother does love my Dad and kind of watches to make sure he doesn’t upset my father, but that doesn’t always work. I can’t understand why my brother feels the need to play his drums right in the room next to my father or that he has a lot of guys at the house to change the boiler now rather than later in the summer.
Another issue is the bathroom downstairs. If my brother would just get that project done and move my father to that floor so he will not have to do the stairs, than that would help a lot. It seems to me that doing the bathroom would be the first project that he should work on. My brother forgets that it is Dad’s house still and making him comfortable is much more important right now.
I guess I am just rambling and really not making too much sense, but I am aggravated to the extreme, and there is nothing I can do about it. I was asked once whether I would still converse with my brother after my Dad passed away and I have been thinking about it. My answer would be no I don’t think that I would really have anything to talk to him about. There was a time when we were little that we shared everything with each other, but now he is a person that I could not even share anything with. There is no reason for me to converse with him.
Well I guess I rambled enough. Time to find a picture for today…
With my birthday coming and my love for Winnie-the-Pooh I find that this picture of a NYC bus with the sign about the upcoming movie that starts a few days before my birthday to be fitting for me right now. TTFN
So sorry to hear about the difficult situation you are in. One the one hand you are trying to help your father and on the other hand you can only do so much. You can't force your brother to get the bathroom fixed and it seems like your dad could care less. That is so sad. Hmmm...But at least your bro is getting something fixed. I do hope you don't fall into a reactive depression but it is understandable if you do. That depresses me just reading about it. How frustrating. I wish you all the best girl. Take it easy and do not worry about the future relationship you and your brother will have because that would only depress you further. (hug)
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