Welcome to My Bumpy Ride.......

Before you all read on, I guess it is best to introduce myself to you and let you know a bit about myself. I am Susan, and first and foremost, I am a mother to a wonderful young man. Though he is grown, he will always be that three year old little boy, that asked all those questions and expected answers to them all. Though I will tell you much about myself in this blog there is no one or nothing that is as important to me as him, even if I don't discuss him much, because he kina likes to remain private.

For years I was actively trying to find myself, but that was a big waste of time, since by doing so I was not living. All my life I have always known that I was "different", but was unable to know why that was. I first thought that perhaps it was because I was adopted, but that was not the case. Turns out, I am bipolar and pretty much have been all my life. This was explained to me about nine years ago when I had a major melt down. I tend to be more on the depressive side, but have on occasion been quite manic. My last episode was early thru mid 2008, with full blown depression. For five months, I bearly left my house, let alone my bed. Why am I telling you this? I just want it out in the open and let you understand that I discuss my illness from time to time.

Present day, I am currently a full time student, studying social work. At the end of 2011 I was approached by a mentor of mine, who mentioned a new program that was going to launch here in Rhode Island. This new program called the Peer Wellness Coaching, was something that I had always wished would become a reality and to add even more excitement was the fact that this mentor was inviting me to train for a position as one of the Peer Wellness Coaches.

So currently (spring 2012) I am part of the three phases of training and should be employed by the fall of 2012. What is even more excellent about this program is that they are aware of my education goals and are willing to work with me on maintaining those goals.

Also you might hear me mention NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), because I am actively involved with them. I am a facilitator and state trainer for the NAMI Connection groups (peer run support group) here in Rhode Island, and I also help teach high school and college students about mental illness through NAMI RI's Inside Mental Illness program.

So with all that being said...I hope you read on to my daily activities and thoughts and such.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Entry for February 14, 2011 VD and Other Ramblings

In my previous blog I discussed Denny’s take on the whole daily event today.  It is funny how you expect someone to do something and they do the direct opposite of that.  Saturday night Denny took me to a very nice restaurant here in the city.  Though I thoroughly enjoyed the dinner its self, it was the discussion that I enjoyed the most.  It is funny how when you think you have nothing new to learn about a person, they throw something new at you.

Over the years we have talked about making him my health proxy and there was no question to it.  It never came to my mind that he would want me to do the same for him.  I guess it is because physically and mentally, it is something that comes to mind with us.  Saturday he told me that he wants me to be his.  I guess it makes sense since out of anyone in his life, I know him the best.  I feel both honored and frightful about his request.  I have always said to him about me, how I didn’t want my son to have to make any serious decisions about me, because I don’t want him to regret it at any time in his life.  Since discussing this issue with Denny, I wonder if maybe I am still too immature to handle it as well. 

Maybe it is because of my sister’s passing and the way she died that is being brought up in my mind as I think about this.  It is also because of the way she died that makes me want to have all my choices written down as well.  I would never want to have anyone in my life watch me for months and see that the end is going to come anyways, so I want it to be sooner rather than later, to help those I love remember me as they know me now.  I know this is way random but it is something that I am thinking about, especially since it was brought up on Saturday.

I totally wasted a perfectly good day of studying yesterday.  I don’t know why I do this to myself.  So here I am today, with a paper due tomorrow and all I have done is my cover sheet.  To make matters even worse, it is friggin beautiful out there today.  I even have a window open!!  Almost 50 degrees out there, and here I am with my puter open and two word docs open, this one and my empty page where my two page paper is suppose to go.  You can see that I am doing quite a bit on here but nothing on a graded paper.  What is wrong with this picture?  Alright I am going to end it here but first let me find a picture for today.

Ok this photo is the barrettes that I wore in the late 70’s.  Mom used to freak when she would see me wearing only one, she said only loose girls wore them like that.  I tried to explain to her that it was her generation that thought that and in mine it was actually kind of a kewl thing.  She never understood and what I did was put both on when she was around and then remove one when she was not.  Made life a whole lot easier.  So do you all remember these?  TTFN

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