Welcome to My Bumpy Ride.......

Before you all read on, I guess it is best to introduce myself to you and let you know a bit about myself. I am Susan, and first and foremost, I am a mother to a wonderful young man. Though he is grown, he will always be that three year old little boy, that asked all those questions and expected answers to them all. Though I will tell you much about myself in this blog there is no one or nothing that is as important to me as him, even if I don't discuss him much, because he kina likes to remain private.

For years I was actively trying to find myself, but that was a big waste of time, since by doing so I was not living. All my life I have always known that I was "different", but was unable to know why that was. I first thought that perhaps it was because I was adopted, but that was not the case. Turns out, I am bipolar and pretty much have been all my life. This was explained to me about nine years ago when I had a major melt down. I tend to be more on the depressive side, but have on occasion been quite manic. My last episode was early thru mid 2008, with full blown depression. For five months, I bearly left my house, let alone my bed. Why am I telling you this? I just want it out in the open and let you understand that I discuss my illness from time to time.

Present day, I am currently a full time student, studying social work. At the end of 2011 I was approached by a mentor of mine, who mentioned a new program that was going to launch here in Rhode Island. This new program called the Peer Wellness Coaching, was something that I had always wished would become a reality and to add even more excitement was the fact that this mentor was inviting me to train for a position as one of the Peer Wellness Coaches.

So currently (spring 2012) I am part of the three phases of training and should be employed by the fall of 2012. What is even more excellent about this program is that they are aware of my education goals and are willing to work with me on maintaining those goals.

Also you might hear me mention NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), because I am actively involved with them. I am a facilitator and state trainer for the NAMI Connection groups (peer run support group) here in Rhode Island, and I also help teach high school and college students about mental illness through NAMI RI's Inside Mental Illness program.

So with all that being said...I hope you read on to my daily activities and thoughts and such.



Monday, February 21, 2011

Entry for February 21, 2010 Lack of Motivation

One class today and then back home to get some serious work done.  I was so sick last week that I almost called 911.  I am guessing I just had the flu, but I was almost unable to move and my head was spinning so bad.  I know I had fever and I kina wish I had a thermometer so I could have known how high it was.  It felt as though my eyes were going to pop out of my head because of the pressure behind them.

I managed to feel better after the fever broke.  I still was mega stuffed up but I could deal with that.  I even during my fever tried to eat some soup, but only managed to take like two spoonfuls and needed to go back to bed.

I am just glad it passed, but I ended up missing three days of school.  I have so much to catch up on, it is crazy.  I did have most of the weekend to catch up and well I wasted all day yesterday and I am so mad at myself.  Now I have to rush through and will not get the kind of grades I am looking for.

This semester I was thinking, what is the point of trying so hard for the highest grade, and was slacking off a bit.  Now however I found out that if I keep my GPA above a 3.5 I can get 30% off of my tuition.  I am so mad that I have not been working as hard as I was last semester, because now I don’t know if I can keep that kind of a GPA.  I so f’ed myself.

Even though it is Presidents day and most other schools have off today, I still have a class today.  I really don’t feel like going and if I had not missed so much last week, I would not be going today.  I am wondering what is wrong with me.  Why am I having such a hard time this semester?  It is not that I don’t like all my classes.  I really like three of them, but I am finding it so hard to get motivated.  Sometimes I think to myself, what is the point.  This is not good at all.  I have to get out of this funk and I have to really try, as each day comes, it gets so much more difficult.



Alright this is going to be it for today.  This picture above was my favorite thing to do, and actually I owned a few of these, because I would lose a piece or two and just needed to have it replaced.  I have even thought about finding another set and buying it for me now.  I used to spend hours and hours just making more and more spirals.  I used the pens so fast and would have to replace them with others.  I can remember using sharp pencils and being very careful not to brake the tip.  I guess my love for spirals started with this set.  Well you all have a good one.  TTFN 
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