Today is my 45th birthday and here I am wide awake at 3:30 in the morning. Not sure why I can’t sleep, but I figured that I would write a blog and perhaps the clicking of the keys will lull me to sleep.
So I am 45 and just about half way through school. Ok that is not too bad really. I keep on thinking, at least I am doing it and besides I could be a 50 with no degree or 50 with a degree, either way I am going to be 50, right?
I am almost done with the last training for a Peer Wellness
Coach and I feel really good about that. I feel as though I have really accomplished something and I am not even done yet. We started with a group of 28 and now we are down to 24. That is actually not too bad considering that we all have various mental health problems.
I am worried about myself though. I feel a constant sadness, even among the positive moods. I know this feeling and it usually doesn’t have a great outcome. I am wondering how I am going to deal with it in a healthy way. Funny thing is I think this is really the first time that I decided that I am going to figure out how to deal with it rather than ignoring it and hope it goes away. I am pretty sure that I have to let my emotions out and well I really don’t do that all too well.
There is just too much riding on my wellness right now that I have to make sure I remain that way. I have school starting in September and my internship beginning within two weeks and an upcoming training that I have to facilitate and these areas leave me little time for me to do what I need to do for my wellness. I don’t have the luxury to take another semester off of school and in order to work I can’t wait on my internship.
There is also the issue of my father and because of his illness I was unable to do what I needed to help get a handle on my underlining sadness. Maybe he is the reason for it in the first place. Maybe it is the fact that my mom died in January and I think that I have dealt with it, when in fact I really haven’t.
All I know is that I am a pretty resilient person and like always, I will prevail and I will go on and I will get done what needs to get done. Guess this is actually going to be a rather short blog for me today. Guess I just needed to type this out and see for myself that I am over extending myself and I really need to rethink a few things. No picture today. TTFN