Welcome to My Bumpy Ride.......

Before you all read on, I guess it is best to introduce myself to you and let you know a bit about myself. I am Susan, and first and foremost, I am a mother to a wonderful young man. Though he is grown, he will always be that three year old little boy, that asked all those questions and expected answers to them all. Though I will tell you much about myself in this blog there is no one or nothing that is as important to me as him, even if I don't discuss him much, because he kina likes to remain private.

For years I was actively trying to find myself, but that was a big waste of time, since by doing so I was not living. All my life I have always known that I was "different", but was unable to know why that was. I first thought that perhaps it was because I was adopted, but that was not the case. Turns out, I am bipolar and pretty much have been all my life. This was explained to me about nine years ago when I had a major melt down. I tend to be more on the depressive side, but have on occasion been quite manic. My last episode was early thru mid 2008, with full blown depression. For five months, I bearly left my house, let alone my bed. Why am I telling you this? I just want it out in the open and let you understand that I discuss my illness from time to time.

Present day, I am currently a full time student, studying social work. At the end of 2011 I was approached by a mentor of mine, who mentioned a new program that was going to launch here in Rhode Island. This new program called the Peer Wellness Coaching, was something that I had always wished would become a reality and to add even more excitement was the fact that this mentor was inviting me to train for a position as one of the Peer Wellness Coaches.

So currently (spring 2012) I am part of the three phases of training and should be employed by the fall of 2012. What is even more excellent about this program is that they are aware of my education goals and are willing to work with me on maintaining those goals.

Also you might hear me mention NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), because I am actively involved with them. I am a facilitator and state trainer for the NAMI Connection groups (peer run support group) here in Rhode Island, and I also help teach high school and college students about mental illness through NAMI RI's Inside Mental Illness program.

So with all that being said...I hope you read on to my daily activities and thoughts and such.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

45th Birthday

Today is my 45th birthday and here I am wide awake at 3:30 in the morning.  Not sure why I can’t sleep, but I figured that I would write a blog and perhaps the clicking of the keys will lull me to sleep. 

So I am 45 and just about half way through school.  Ok that is not too bad really.  I keep on thinking, at least I am doing it and besides I could be a 50 with no degree or 50 with a degree, either way I am going to be 50, right?
I am almost done with the last training for a Peer Wellness

Coach and I feel really good about that.  I feel as though I have really accomplished something and I am not even done yet.  We started with a group of 28 and now we are down to 24.  That is actually not too bad considering that we all have various mental health problems. 

I am worried about myself though.  I feel a constant sadness, even among the positive moods.  I know this feeling and it usually doesn’t have a great outcome.  I am wondering how I am going to deal with it in a healthy way.  Funny thing is I think this is really the first time that I decided that I am going to figure out how to deal with it rather than ignoring it and hope it goes away.  I am pretty sure that I have to let my emotions out and well I really don’t do that all too well. 

There is just too much riding on my wellness right now that I have to make sure I remain that way.  I have school starting in September and my internship beginning within two weeks and an upcoming training that I have to facilitate and these areas leave me little time for me to do what I need to do for my wellness.  I don’t have the luxury to take another semester off of school and in order to work I can’t wait on my internship. 

There is also the issue of my father and because of his illness I was unable to do what I needed to help get a handle on my underlining sadness.  Maybe he is the reason for it in the first place.  Maybe it is the fact that my mom died in January and I think that I have dealt with it, when in fact I really haven’t.
All I know is that I am a pretty resilient person and like always, I will prevail and I will go on and I will get done what needs to get done.  Guess this is actually going to be a rather short blog for me today.  Guess I just needed to type this out and see for myself that I am over extending myself and I really need to rethink a few things.  No picture today.  TTFN

1 comment:

  1. I'm very sorry about your mom. It definitely plays a role. My mother-in-law passed away two years ago and it had a very big, life-changing impact.

    At best you start to realize that you don't have endless time to accomplish your dreams anymore and it kicks you into high gear.

    Sounds like you're already doing that.