June 15, 2011 What I Have Learned from the States I Have Lived

I have been thinking about all the places I have lived in my life and believe me there have been plenty.  I decided that I would write about what each state that I have lived in has offered me and helped to shape the person that I am today.

First state I lived in was New Jersey.  This is the longest I have lived in any state and I lived in many towns of New Jersey, but mostly in the central to northern parts.  What Jersey has offered me is a true sense of who I am and where I came from.  Though I moved out almost twenty years now, I feel as though my heart will always remain there.  When asked where I came from I answer without hesitation that I was born and raised in Jersey and I am there for a true Jersey girl.  Some say that my rough attitude comes from being a Jersey girl, but honestly it comes from the experiences I had while I lived there. 

Funny thing is about Jersey is when I married and had a son, his father and I decided that it was best to take him out of Jersey for a better environment and all through my son’s childhood years he voiced his dislike of our decision and when given the opportunity to move on his own, without hesitation he returned to the state that he mourned for.  I should have known at the time that choosing to move out of state, rather than a better town was in fact a bad decision on his father and my part.  Today I feel that I ripped out a part of him that I should have known was there.

The state that came next for me was Virginia Beach, VA and I remained for ten years.  There is not much to say about that state, just that moving out there was a really bad move on my part.  I should have taken note on my son’s view point on this.  I should point out that the state was ok for a state, but it was the situation in which I lived that made moving there the one of the worst decisions I ever made as far as moves goes.

Leaving Virginia was hard, but not as far as the area goes.  It was the situation in which I left that made it the worst choice I have ever made in my life and only those that were part of that choice would understand the magnitude of poor decision making it was.  I can’t undo what has been done, but I can learn from the mistakes I have made and move on.

Albany, NY was my third state and when I moved there I was not well mentally.  I however prevailed and found some of my best friends there.  People who understood and still understand who I really am, even if at the time of my arrival I didn’t quite know who I was and still really didn’t even when I moved out only nine months later.  Though it was a really short period of time that I spent there, it was the most significant period of time for me and for that I can only thank that area for excepting me and the problems I arrived in.

After leaving NY I moved to Pittsfield, MA with the man that treated me like no one has treated me before.  We moved into a house that was down by the river and we shared a three bedroom apartment on the second floor with a land lady from hell.  I learned a lot about myself during the four years that I lived there.  I learned that I can have opinions and have others listen to them and actually consider them.  I learned that I was an independent woman with thoughts and ideas and creativity that I could share with others.  I learned that my fears were valid and my excitements were a joy. 

Though Pittsfield, MA did not have much to offer in the way of activities I learned how to seek out enjoyment in activities that inspired me. I had the opportunity to meet very wonderful people, but also learned that people who come from the outside like me, were regarded at temporary people and in the end I proved that theory to be true.

So here I am today, four years in Providence, RI.  Since being here I have begun to really like who I am and not try to convert my thinking to those who surround me. Living here is was the first time I really felt independent and it is now the first time I lived on my own.  It was scary at first but I am slowly learning that sometimes it is really ok to just be with myself.  Because of my mental illness it is sometimes really hard to be alone and I am trying to learn that it is ok to feel that way and to really be with my feelings.  I have learned that I am really creative with my photography and have learned to take compliments from others.

The people that I have met here have been for the most part a real enjoyment for me.  Here is the first place that I have met many others like myself, displaced from other states, though there is a large base of natives here.  I have felt excepted here with all my good qualities and short comings.

Through all the places I have lived, I have accepted who I am and that I have a mental illness and it is ok to take the time to care for myself.  I have learned that I am able to share the experiences I have had with others and let them learn from the things I have done and not done.  I have learned that I am an important person with lots to offer.  I have learned that I have a voice and that I am intelligent enough to let my voice rise high for those that want to hear what I have to say.  I know that many times I need to remind myself of these things and I feel as though if I lose myself, I am capable of finding me again.

So that is about it.  Time for me to find a picture for today…

Today’s picture is of a wall at the partial hospital program grounds.  The reason I chose this shot is because, through the years I have learned to build a wall around myself to protect me, but I am starting to bring that wall down little by little.  It is hard to do and many who will run into this blog may not understand the need for protection, but I do and so do a few others.  So this shot reminds me that though the wall is slowly being open, it still remains and needs some protection.  TTFN

June 14, 2011 Thinking about School and Opening

Been a little bit since I wrote last, but figured that I would today.  Things with me are ok and I am still at the program I told you about and will be done on Friday.  I think I am getting something from it, but part of me thinks that I will not be able to really get out of it what I need to.  Whether I do or not doesn’t matter at this point because I have to end this Friday because I have to leave for Dad’s on the 22^nd.  There is a slight chance that I will go back after Dad’s, but I am not sure. 

At this point I am not ready to return to school in the fall.  There is no way that I am going to go back to classes with the way I am feeling.  Last semester was a complete nightmare and I am not going to go through that again.  At least with me not having classes I don’t have that added stress, but if I added it, I would be in the same position I was in last semester.  This is not good at all.  My goal for the summer is to be in the same mind set as last fall.

This weekend I will be heading to Saratoga, NY.  Denny has a golf tournament and I will be heading down to Albany, NY to visit friends on Saturday.  Not too sure about Sunday but I do know that both Denny and I need to head home in the afternoon.  So it is going to be short but sweet.

I have been trying to keep up with my photography and well I have gotten a few good shots, but I am my worst critic.  I know that I can pass up the opportunity that has been given to me.  Thankfully the gallery allowed me to change from opening this past spring to next spring.  I was way too sick to even get somewhat organized for the opening that we originally agreed on.  I still can’t believe that they think my photography is show worthy, let alone the amount of money they believe the shots are worth, but who knows, maybe they are right.  One thing that I did get done was a slide show to add to the opening and if I can post it I will try. (Nope, it wouldn't do it)

Well that is all for today.  If I can’t post the slide show here I am sorry.  Next blog will have a picture of the day.  TTFN

June 3, 2011 Program Rundown

So like today is Friday and I have been in the program for four days.  I was only late the one day and left slightly early one day.  For me that is really good considering the amount of work that is done there.  Those of you who do not understand how being in groups all day can be exhausting, I am about to explain how it can be, at least at this program.

First we start the day relatively easy with a check in group that asks how we are doing and what kind of goal we have set for ourselves.  The goal might seem easy and in many cases it is, but sometimes it is hard to pick one because you want to make it easy, but you know that for that day you really want to get something done.  Now no one actually checks to see if you reached your goal, but the person who made it knows and believe me, it is a major let down if it is not carried out.

Next we have a group that is more of a learning type of group that focuses on existential therapy.  In one group this week we had to write our own eulogy.  I personally thought this was a bit on the morbid side at first.  I mean think about it, someone is suicidal and is asked to write their own eulogy.  At first I thought that it was counterproductive, until we were asked the last two questions.  The last two questions asked about relationships and how they would be affected whether we lived or died.

The third group to me is the hardest for me.  It is an interpersonal group where are split up into smaller groups and sit in a circle and discuss things on our mind and get feedback from the others in the group.  What makes this hard is that we as a group seem to ask the hardest questions to each other and when we don’t, it seems like the facilitator chimes in with even more difficult questions.  This group is the longest of them all at one and a half hours.  Sometimes when you are all done it feels like you got hit by a semi and you were only in a Yugo. (if you know this car, you have lived for a while…LOL)

After that group we have lunch.  Great time to rethink all that transpired in the last group.

The last group of the day is another type of learning group.  Today for example we discussed our own personal purpose of life.  It was broken down a bit and we answered a few questions before coming to our own purpose.

Now during these time and our breaks is when the various therapist can call you to join them for a half hour for individual therapy.  We have a half hour a day with a therapist.  They don’t however; interrupt the interpersonal group at all.  There is no distraction what so ever for that group.

For those of you who are not used to therapy, might be thinking that this is no big deal, but believe me, the shit you don’t want to deal with is basically thrown in your face and you have no choice but to look at it and when you are done for the day, it doesn’t go away. 

Ok so that is about it.  For today’s picture I have a shot I took this week at the program.  It is a beautiful tree taken like I take most of my tree shots.  Hope you like.

June 1, 2011 New Day Program Highlights

The start of any kind of therapy gets on my nerves and today was quite trying at the intensive outpatient hospitalization big time.  What I dislike about starting new forms of therapy is the questions they ask.  They are all the same and I often wonder why they can’t take the time to pass this sort of information between the different programs.  What even made today worse was the fact that two people asked me the same questions that I don’t even want to answer in the first place.  Is it so friggin hard to just have them talk to each other and leave me the frig alone.

What else I didn’t like about today was the fact that I had in my head what I thought the place would be like by taking what I knew from other places just like it, or what I thought was just like it.  Well it was so much different then I even imagined it would be.

The first group was exactly what I expected for a first meeting though.  Those of you who have done this sort of thing will know what I mean.  I am guessing it is a sort of check in group where each person says how they are doing at the moment and then tell the group a goal you have set for yourself for the day.  I took the easy way out, because I didn’t know what to expect.  I said I am fine and my goal for the day was that I find the right bus to take home.  (Just a note, it is faster for me to walk there and home. I didn’t realize how close the hospital was to my house.)

I have taken three different Psychology classes and had yet to even cover Existential or Interpersonal Psychotherapy and this place uses both as far as I can see.  We started out with Existentialism and learned about Freedom, Isolation, Meaning, and Death.  The meanings of these are what you would think and then some.  I guess I found it interesting, because I didn’t straight out reject it in my mind, so I will give it a go.

 

Before lunch we were split up into three groups and spent an hour and a half in an interpersonal therapy group.  This group was way different, we didn’t have a topic, and we just talked about whatever.  A few times I was quite uncomfortable because people started to cry and that makes me very uncomfortable.  I am not insensitive or anything to the feelings of others, but I wanted nothing more than to bolt out the door when they would cry.  The reason I wanted to bolt is because I feel for those that cry and begin to feel as though I want to cry for them and well I don’t publicly cry or for that matter cry at all, but publicly is way out of the question with me.

 

I am eating lunch and two times I was interrupted because a therapist and med doc wanted to talk to me.  The med doc let me finish eating but the therapist lady told me I could take it with me, but I just threw the stuff in the garbage because there was no way I was going to sit there and answer her questions with a mouthful of food.  The med doc took me out of the last meeting about stress to ask me exactly the same questions that the therapist lady asked me.  Again, I don’t understand why they just can’t compare notes and leave me the frig alone about it.

 

I was exhausted after the interpersonal group and it didn’t change by the time I got home.  Why is this sort of thing so exhausting?  It felt like I was hit by a mac truck or something.  I thought this was going to be like four or five days but apparently it can go for two weeks.  I don’t know if I can handle this for two friggin weeks.  I got home around two thirty and well I was asleep by three.  Because of this, I woke up at midnight and am totally messed up with my sleep.  I mean I should be happy that I slept as long as I did, but it would have been nice to have slept at the right times.  Because my nap last for so long, I am way late for my meds.  I have to take them around five with something that represents dinner and here it is almost one and I am not hungry and I have to take my meds with food.  Who the hell eats dinner at one in the morning?  I think I will have some crackers, since that would be enough calories to take the meds with.

 

I can’t believe that I have to do this all over again tomorrow.  What I found funny was what the med doc said to me when I told him that my anxiety level was so high that I was going to go home and take something for it and he told me that the program was going to make it to where I would not have to do that anymore.  I am wondering how they plan on taking years of anxiety and make it go away in two weeks.  Hey if they can, great, but honestly I don’t know how they can do that, but we will see and keep an open mind to it.

 

Ok, let me look around for a photo for today…

 

Because of me feeling like I am out in the cold with this whole therapy thing, I decided that this photo was perfect.  It was taken this past winter up where Denny grew up.  It was unbelievably cold that day and the wind was strong with snow in the air.  I felt for this horse when I captured him trying to weather the storm.  So since I am in my own personal storm, this photo is perfect right now.

May 31, 2011 Expectations

It is five thirty in the morning and I am up for the outpatient program.  I have to be there by seven forty five, so that means that I have to catch the bus by six forty five.  I am not happy about this early morning thing at all, but I do admit that I am not opposed to it though; just wish they made it a little later is all.

New situations are not good for me, because I don’t like not knowing what to expect.  I think that is why I spend the day before every new situation in a state of anxiety.  Yesterday was no exception at all.  You all should see me between each new semester, I obsess about what to expect as far as the classroom, the course, and the instructor for the whole time.  I am always playing all different kind of scenarios in my head and it drives me crazy.  I try to distract myself all the time, but it always comes back.

So here I am trying to distract myself and it is not working; most likely because I am writing about it.  Because of this, I am going to switch gears and tell you what I did yesterday.  I originally planned to stay home, but when I left Denny’s house on Sunday, I left my meds there, so I had to go and get them.  I figured that I would only stay for a little bit, but stayed because it was so hot and he has AC and I don’t.  We didn’t do much but we talked a lot, which was very productive.  We talked a lot about our feelings, and I was able to get a lot off my chest as well as him.  I finally told him that I had been keeping his sister up to date about him for months and was happy to find that he was not mad, but actually happy that I cared enough about him to let his family know of my concerns.

We went to Walgreens and planned to just pick up a few things, but managed to pick up many things that we both needed.  Since I had always been the one to pick up all of his basic needs from tooth paste to shampoo and soap, he never got to get that sort of thing since I left.  Saturday I had picked up a lot of that stuff for him but there was still much to get because it had been since September that any of those things were picked up for him.  He really needs to get used to getting stuff for himself and I expressed that to him yesterday.  He says he knows and he also told me he was sorry for making me feel as though I had to do so much for him. Part of my care taking self really likes to do that sort of thing for him, but some part of me feels used at the same time, and that is not healthy. 

Next weekend is jam packed with helping Denny’s landlord get the apartment above Denny ready rent out in July.  The kids that moved out last night really did a number on the place and I have to assess the damages and let the landlord know what needs to be fixed (he lives in NC).  To those of you who are wondering, yes I will be paid for this.  The landlord is giving Denny a huge discount on one month’s rent and in lieu of that Denny is helping me finance a few things that I need, so everyone wins.

Also next weekend, we are going to go get an air conditioner for my place and I am going to be taking one of Denny’s living room chairs.  I am happy about that because all I really have is my bed and computer chair for places to sit.  Since I am in a studio it works as far as space goes but thankfully I have the room to add one of his chairs, so I will have a place to sit comfortably and read.

Well that is about all for now, so let me see which photo I will share today…

Alright, since I showed you a picture I took of my one cat Poohdog, here is the picture of my other cat, Roo.  I was actually quite amazed the curator at the art gallery that is interested in my photos really liked this photo.  This was taken one day when I was laying on the kitchen floor at Denny’s when I lived there; I was trying to see if I could capture the flame when Roo went to investigate and I was able to catch this shot.  Well that is it, and now I have to get ready to go, since it is almost six thirty.

May 30, 2011 A Small Amount of Relief

Went out with Denny last night and really enjoyed myself for the first time in quite a long while.  The only thing is, it was short lived.  This morning I woke up and felt that black cloud over me again.  What the hell is wrong with me?  It is one in the morning and I am in a state of dread and wide fringing awake. Usually it only takes about fifteen minutes of TV to fall asleep, but so far I have watched Kong fu Panda and two episodes of Two and a Half Men and still wide awake.  It wouldn’t be so bad if I was in a good state but this bites!

Well I will tell you all about last night and maybe that will help.  I met Denny after he finished work and we headed to a place called Local 121.  It is a restaurant that uses mostly local grown ingredients and their food is far from typical restaurant food.  We ordered chowder that we shared and two entrees that we also shared.  The entrees were chicken with different type of veggies and this great sauce and scallops that were garnished with what looked like clovers you find in the grass that I didn’t even try because it kina grossed me out. 

After we ate dinner and had a great conversation we headed down to the Waterfire and took many pictures.  I used my camera and the new tripod I picked up.  Denny used his point and shoot camera and I tried to explain to him that he would not be able to get the kind of photos that he wanted.  I still have not mastered the whole night photo shots, but I think I am getting closer.  The new tripod is awesome.  It is one of those twelve inch grip ones that you can grip it to other surfaces and it does it quite nicely, even with my heavy camera.

Here is one picture that I took at Waterfire.  Let me know what you think…

We walked slowly back to Denny’s after we finished at the Waterfire.  Usually I don’t like that walk but the night was the perfect temperature and there was a light breeze that made it so much better.  We finished the night with the movie Sandlot.  I really like that movie and I am not quite sure why.

Ok I just talked about what I did Saturday night and still nothing is different.  My God what is wrong with me?  I think what is bothering me most about this feeling is the intrusive thoughts that run through my mind.  It is because of these thoughts that I agreed to go in patient.  I can’t believe I am saying this but I am really glad that I will be going to the weeklong intensive care outpatient program.  Maybe they will figure something out to help me out with these thoughts.  I was hoping that the new medication was starting to work but I think it was the distraction of going out.

I am wondering what kind of things I can do to keep myself distracted that doesn’t cost a small fortune.  I do know that if this does not go away by September I will not be taking any classed.  There is no way I am going to go through what I did the last three months again if I can help it. 

At my mental health center there is a program to help to lose weight and I might do that.  It is the least they can offer since in most cases the weight gain is from the friggin meds they prescribe.  You should see the waiting area over there.  Almost everyone is overweight and you can tell that it comes from the meds.

Well I am going to try and fall asleep again.  I only have a small window of opportunity with the med I just took before I started this.  Wish me luck.

May 27, 2011 Guilt and First Celebration

Spent the last five days inpatient in a hospital this time and can’t say I am fixed or it was a waste of time, but I can say at least at this moment I can have a bit of concentration, but definitely typing quite slow and many mistakes so far.  This is just something to note for the doctor on Tuesday when I go to the Partial Hospital thingy.

Something I feel really bad about is the fact that I lied to my parents about where I have been.  I made up stories about places that I was going to that was keeping me from being able to call them.  Dad won’t even question anything and honestly I don’t feel that bad about him, because his memory is slowing down a bit right now so he might not even notice the gaps in me calling him.  Mom on the other hand is quite alert and she might catch on.  So you might be wondering why is that I kept this from them, well there are two reasons really.  The first and most important is the fact that at this stage in their life it is not something they need to worry about, that is of course if they do in the first place.  Seriously, sometimes I just think that they pretend to care about the happenings in my life.  Second reason is important to me because of the fact that I really don’t want to have to explain to them that I have lots of intrusive thoughts and I don’t want to have to explain the process in which my mind is going.  The guilt of my lying is a lot lower then dealing with explaining shit to them.

Well the hospital Doctor didn’t like the choice of med that the crisis place gave me and he prescribed Geodon.  I am deliberately trying to not to look at side effects but kind of took a quick look today because of a faint feeling that I had.  That feeling could have been from the sun, but who knows.  I going to try and stick with the meds for now and try to be on time with them. 

There is going to be a Waterfire here in Providence tomorrow and Denny and I are going to go to it and have dinner.  It will be the first time we dine out since his alcohol drink, and I am a bit nervous but going out is going to be a bit of a celebration of his recovery.  I am wondering if I can find some kind of card or something to get for him for his first month.  He forgot to get his chip today but he will remember for his next meeting.

Since I will be trying so night features on my camera at the Waterfire, I figured that I would share with you I shot I took before so you can see how bad I am at taking night shots…

In case you want to know about Waterfire

Waterfire Link

Entry for May 23, 2011 Back Home

Finished my semester with a 3.6 and an overall of 3.75, so that means I am still in the running for the 30% off of tuition at Rhode Island College and I actually made the Dean’s list this semester.  I honestly don’t know how the hell I managed to achieve that, but I did and I will take it.  What I do know is that if I don’t feel any better come this fall, I am going to drop the classes that I have scheduled, because I am not going through that again.

Decided to go in a crisis unit for a bit, by the suggestion of another, it was either that or it would have been a hospital.  Seriously though, I am not sure what help it really did, but to have me make some sort of commitment that honestly I am not sure that I can keep, but as of today I guess I will. 

Been taking meds now for ten days and seriously not finding it any different than before, except now I don’t have to worry about classes to try and get through.  I know it is not suppose to be some kind of magical drug that would work overnight or anything, but shit, give me something for now!

Went to an Al-Anon meeting last night. Was not expecting anything special from that meeting.  Well at least I finally got that first meeting jitters away for now.  I will say, it is not at all what I expected at all.  I suppose I will go again next week and see how it goes for a while, at least for now anyways.  I did however like the John Prine reference that was made by a member which is pretty kewl.

My past therapist, who was at the crisis center, suggested that I have some structure this spring and summer and I know it was something I was worried about before I was this sick, but right now, I don’t think I can handle something like that.  Each day that I am not home, all I keep on thinking is when will I be so I can lay down and just let the TV decide for me what to think, so I don’t have to.  I am not liking at all what my mind is thinking at this time, and honestly I am not sure how much I can really handle of my thoughts. 

Ok, time to look for a picture…

Ok this is a picture of my twenty pound cat named Pooh, that currently still resides at Denny’s apartment, because I don’t have the money to get his shots up to date and I need to be able to get him to a vet and pay for the deposit for him to stay here.  Sometimes I think, if I had him here perhaps I might feel better and then in that same thought I wonder if I will be able to care for him in the way he expects to be cared for.  Anyways, this shot was taken on the day I am home and I think it came out pretty well.

Entry for May 10, 2011 Trying to Unleash the…

Sometimes I just wish I could cry and let all this shit out.  I just spent the better part of an hour trying to get myself to do so.  I figured it out; it has been well over two years since I last let out the tears.  Part of me is way afraid to let them run, because once they start, will I be able to stop them and will the tears make me so uncontrollable that I will totally lose it?  I have come to terms with the fact that I might never ever be able to do it again.  Even in pain, I have no liquid coming out of my eyes.  Just figured that I would write this so I can document it and see how much longer this is going to be.  Oh fuck it; I am done even thinking about it for now. 

Exam tomorrow.  Worked the study sheet and feel ok about the exam for now anyways.  Have to work on other study sheet, but I am done for now.

Never met with Denny’s therapist, because the program messed up his discharge day.  You all know how it is, it is all about insurance.  Well that is all for now.  Just waiting for sleep to come on to me.

Entry for May 10, 2011 Thinking Things Out

Today is a “family” meeting at the program that Denny is at and he wants me there around two.  So I am going to have to put on a mask to let the counselor think that I am healthy enough to help him.  This should be interesting. Guess this is going to be the time that they tell me what I am doing wrong in helping him with his recovery.  Most likely they are going to tell me that I am too controlling with him.  It was not me who asked to have me take over his bills.  Already he is asking for his bank cards back.  Fuck it, if he wants them he can take care of his own bills, because I am not going to try and get him out of debt and have him sabotage everything that I do. I know that will be brought up, because he already said that he wants to talk about it.  Hey, screw it; I will not be the one that is homeless.  He has no idea how lucky he is that his landlord is so mega kewl about getting late checks or bounced ones.

Since I have moved out eight months ago, he has never paid his rent on time and he bounced the check at least four times.  He has had his cable turned off two times and he has had to borrow money from me and a two week loan place.  Now this would not be so bad except for the fact that he makes plenty of money.  I have told him for years that all he has to do is keep four hundred dollars aside to pay his bills a week and I even convinced him to break up his direct pay between two accounts and when I lived with him I was able to guide him along.  Whatever, I am done.  I am not going to help him, if he can’t let me help him.

I have a final tomorrow and I can’t seem to wrap my mind around it.  I have a study sheet and I can’t concentrate enough to do it.  At this point, all I am thinking is that I have to show up and do the best that I can.  I will pass the course regardless anyway.  I am not as sure about passing with the final I have on Thursday so I guess I will force myself to get some kind of studying. 

I am giving some consideration to going inpatient at the hospital.  I really seriously hate to go, but I am beginning to scare myself.  I really don’t know what the hospital is going to do for me that I can’t do for myself.  After all, all I really have to do is take some meds and get some regular sleep and build some kind of structured days for the summer.  I think that what is scaring me the most is I have resorted to doing things I have not done in years and well if it is found out I might end up in the hospital anyway and not on my own accord like I would want it to be. It is a lot harder to leave when someone else decides that you need to go in.  I figure if I have to do what I have to do to stay out for at least these three days then it will be ok.  I mean I am not hurting anyone but myself and I am really doing anything way out there.  Guess I am sitting here trying to convince myself that everything will be ok and starting on Thursday I will take meds.

Hopefully my body will be used to the meds before I start classes in the fall, but if not I will choose classes over meds, because I have proven to myself that I am able to do a whole semester without them.  Sure there are tough times like right now, but if I can’t concentrate on my classes it would be worse to fail because of a chemical that does not need to be in my system.  If my cycles remain the same, I will actually be alright for about two years, I just have to get through this summer and I will be golden. 

Denny wants to go to the movies tonight since it is six dollar movie day here at the mall.  I think he mentioned that he wants to see two movies, the fast and furious one and Thor.  At least one of them will be at IMAX and 3D.  Alright so let me take a look around for a picture for today…

So for today I am picking one of the Niagara Falls shots that I took almost two years ago.  I am picking this because of how my thoughts are running it is like the power behind the falls themselves.  It is almost like all my thoughts are running down into this pit and well you get the idea.  Just wish that I had a river that the thoughts could run down, instead of the dam that holds on to them and recycles them. Well that is it.