Welcome to My Bumpy Ride.......

Before you all read on, I guess it is best to introduce myself to you and let you know a bit about myself. I am Susan, and first and foremost, I am a mother to a wonderful young man. Though he is grown, he will always be that three year old little boy, that asked all those questions and expected answers to them all. Though I will tell you much about myself in this blog there is no one or nothing that is as important to me as him, even if I don't discuss him much, because he kina likes to remain private.

For years I was actively trying to find myself, but that was a big waste of time, since by doing so I was not living. All my life I have always known that I was "different", but was unable to know why that was. I first thought that perhaps it was because I was adopted, but that was not the case. Turns out, I am bipolar and pretty much have been all my life. This was explained to me about nine years ago when I had a major melt down. I tend to be more on the depressive side, but have on occasion been quite manic. My last episode was early thru mid 2008, with full blown depression. For five months, I bearly left my house, let alone my bed. Why am I telling you this? I just want it out in the open and let you understand that I discuss my illness from time to time.

Present day, I am currently a full time student, studying social work. At the end of 2011 I was approached by a mentor of mine, who mentioned a new program that was going to launch here in Rhode Island. This new program called the Peer Wellness Coaching, was something that I had always wished would become a reality and to add even more excitement was the fact that this mentor was inviting me to train for a position as one of the Peer Wellness Coaches.

So currently (spring 2012) I am part of the three phases of training and should be employed by the fall of 2012. What is even more excellent about this program is that they are aware of my education goals and are willing to work with me on maintaining those goals.

Also you might hear me mention NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), because I am actively involved with them. I am a facilitator and state trainer for the NAMI Connection groups (peer run support group) here in Rhode Island, and I also help teach high school and college students about mental illness through NAMI RI's Inside Mental Illness program.

So with all that being said...I hope you read on to my daily activities and thoughts and such.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Entry for May 23, 2011 Back Home

Finished my semester with a 3.6 and an overall of 3.75, so that means I am still in the running for the 30% off of tuition at Rhode Island College and I actually made the Dean’s list this semester.  I honestly don’t know how the hell I managed to achieve that, but I did and I will take it.  What I do know is that if I don’t feel any better come this fall, I am going to drop the classes that I have scheduled, because I am not going through that again.

Decided to go in a crisis unit for a bit, by the suggestion of another, it was either that or it would have been a hospital.  Seriously though, I am not sure what help it really did, but to have me make some sort of commitment that honestly I am not sure that I can keep, but as of today I guess I will. 

Been taking meds now for ten days and seriously not finding it any different than before, except now I don’t have to worry about classes to try and get through.  I know it is not suppose to be some kind of magical drug that would work overnight or anything, but shit, give me something for now!

Went to an Al-Anon meeting last night. Was not expecting anything special from that meeting.  Well at least I finally got that first meeting jitters away for now.  I will say, it is not at all what I expected at all.  I suppose I will go again next week and see how it goes for a while, at least for now anyways.  I did however like the John Prine reference that was made by a member which is pretty kewl.

My past therapist, who was at the crisis center, suggested that I have some structure this spring and summer and I know it was something I was worried about before I was this sick, but right now, I don’t think I can handle something like that.  Each day that I am not home, all I keep on thinking is when will I be so I can lay down and just let the TV decide for me what to think, so I don’t have to.  I am not liking at all what my mind is thinking at this time, and honestly I am not sure how much I can really handle of my thoughts. 

Ok, time to look for a picture…

Ok this is a picture of my twenty pound cat named Pooh, that currently still resides at Denny’s apartment, because I don’t have the money to get his shots up to date and I need to be able to get him to a vet and pay for the deposit for him to stay here.  Sometimes I think, if I had him here perhaps I might feel better and then in that same thought I wonder if I will be able to care for him in the way he expects to be cared for.  Anyways, this shot was taken on the day I am home and I think it came out pretty well.

1 comment:

  1. Summer is a rough time in the beginning but it will get better hopefully. I have been having a rough time too. I wish the crisis unit would have been better for you.