Friday night I called my mental health center’s crisis line because my thoughts in my mind were all over the place and I did not like where they were going. I did not like them one bit. When I called though, the woman was not helpful in any way what so ever. She just kept on repeating that I should go to the ER and I explained to her that it was not an option for two reasons. I basically just got off the phone with her and called my girlfriend and talked to her for quite a long while. Now see that helped.
Ended up taking something to help me to crash in my bed and managed to fall asleep for a couple of hours. Not saying that things are much better at this time but I am managing. I am aware of the intrusive thoughts and dismissing them as best as I can for now. Took some of the same as I did Friday night, last night and I might be able to keep that up for the next two weeks. I have one day of classes left and two days of finals and then I am done. That will be seven days from now. I have made it this far and I am determined to make it the rest of the way. I figure if I concentrate on Denny and helping him and my classes, I should be able to do it.
I wonder though if I am just talking myself into it. Whatever it is that is working, I guess I will go with it. Like Saturday I went to Denny’s house and cleared it out of alcohol and other means of getting a buzz. I did however forget to take his cooking wine out of the house. I called his roommate and tell him to take care of that for me. I didn’t clean his room, because I got to thinking about something important. He is going to have to fill his days with something rather than going out and drinking, so I left his large pile of laundry for him to do.
Two exams today. Two papers to turn in also. I think that I am ready for the two exams today, well no matter what I have to be ready. There is no threat of failing a class, so I guess I am good on that end. Funny thing is, last semester I had to get A’s, but this semester all I care about is at least passing. I do know that if I don’t feel better by the first week in September I am going to withdraw for that semester. I AM NOT GOING THROUGH THIS AGAIN!
So here it is six in the morning and I am dressed and ready for my classes and let me tell you how friggin difficult it was to get out of bed. At least tomorrow I don’t have to go anywhere at all. Let’s just hope the friggin building manager doesn’t come knocking on my door to try and fix whatever problems they found when they came here yesterday. Well that is about all for now. Wish me luck today. Oh yeah that is right…let me find a picture for today.
Alright, this shot was taken on Tuesday, during my walk to Denny’s. I have been trying to get spring shots to try and boost my mood. Doesn’t seem to be working, but at least I am trying.