Welcome to My Bumpy Ride.......

Before you all read on, I guess it is best to introduce myself to you and let you know a bit about myself. I am Susan, and first and foremost, I am a mother to a wonderful young man. Though he is grown, he will always be that three year old little boy, that asked all those questions and expected answers to them all. Though I will tell you much about myself in this blog there is no one or nothing that is as important to me as him, even if I don't discuss him much, because he kina likes to remain private.

For years I was actively trying to find myself, but that was a big waste of time, since by doing so I was not living. All my life I have always known that I was "different", but was unable to know why that was. I first thought that perhaps it was because I was adopted, but that was not the case. Turns out, I am bipolar and pretty much have been all my life. This was explained to me about nine years ago when I had a major melt down. I tend to be more on the depressive side, but have on occasion been quite manic. My last episode was early thru mid 2008, with full blown depression. For five months, I bearly left my house, let alone my bed. Why am I telling you this? I just want it out in the open and let you understand that I discuss my illness from time to time.

Present day, I am currently a full time student, studying social work. At the end of 2011 I was approached by a mentor of mine, who mentioned a new program that was going to launch here in Rhode Island. This new program called the Peer Wellness Coaching, was something that I had always wished would become a reality and to add even more excitement was the fact that this mentor was inviting me to train for a position as one of the Peer Wellness Coaches.

So currently (spring 2012) I am part of the three phases of training and should be employed by the fall of 2012. What is even more excellent about this program is that they are aware of my education goals and are willing to work with me on maintaining those goals.

Also you might hear me mention NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), because I am actively involved with them. I am a facilitator and state trainer for the NAMI Connection groups (peer run support group) here in Rhode Island, and I also help teach high school and college students about mental illness through NAMI RI's Inside Mental Illness program.

So with all that being said...I hope you read on to my daily activities and thoughts and such.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Entry 2 for April 13, 2011 Grab the Moment

While waiting for my class to begin, I decided to just let some words make sense on paper, and this is what I came up with. I didn't make any correction or anything,  so if there is errors and you want to correct it, then you miss the point on what it was that I was doing in the first place.  The picture is one that I had taken quite a few years ago.  It was the closest picture I could find of mine that kina sort fit.

As the rain drops fell hard and constant, she stood letting each drop land on her. Because it was early fall, the temperature was still fairly high and the raindrops felt warm to her skin. She didn’t care about the looks she was receiving from the umbrella holding passersby. In her mind she believed that she knew something they didn’t.

Here face looked up toward the sky; with a smile she closed her eyes. It was the first time in months that she was able to crack a smile on her face. She had waited for this moment, even if it would only be brief.

Though the sky was grey and cloudy, it felt to her as if the sky took away the clouds that filtered her thoughts.  The clarity she was now feeling, she could not but hope it would last forever, but she knew it was on to remain momentarily.

No one she knew was aware that her mind was flooded with clouds, because she was a master masker.  Her mother had taught her well.  Because she was such a great masker, she lived with her pain alone. If only her mother knew of the cost.

Just as she was beginning to enjoy the clarity of her mind, the sky cleared and her mind started to return to its cloudy mess it was.  At that moment she let her head drop, and she let out a deep sigh, and she realized that she was still standing in the same place where she was, only now she stood dripping wet.  For the first time in a long while, her thoughts matched her appearance.

1 comment:

  1. Beautiful...simply lovely and sad.