Sixteen actual days left of classes. Thirty two days until I am finished with classes. Each day that passes I wonder if I am going to make it. Absences are maxed out in all my classes. I can do this, I can make it through. My grades are passing and I should be happy with that, but honestly it is making me even more depressed, knowing that I am not working to my full potential.
Trying to get the assignments done for the classes are really a hard task. I get the study area ready and open the books, but my mind is always somewhere else. I have been putting on music for most of it, and it is helping some, but I can’t do that for reading though.
I really shouldn’t be complaining since I am getting up and going to classes and passing, but it is such a struggle to do those things. Last semester I was rocking. This one, I feel like I am swimming in syrup or something.
Now after me telling you all about how may days I have left of classes, that I would be looking forward to being done for the semester, but I am not. At least with classes I know I have to get up and go somewhere. When classes are done, there is no reason to get up and get going. I am already coming up with ways to explain to my father that I am not going to make it to visit him this summer. The good thing with that though is I have not actually said anything to him yet.
I am going to have to build a structured summer for myself at this point so I don’t run into problems. I just wish that I would not lose my medical if I went to get a job. I know right now is not the time to lose it. I really hate how the system works. You would think that if you made the effort to try and work at a job that they would somehow make sure that you didn’t lose it so you can gradually go back to work and have that safety net in case you are sick. I know that when I am done with school I will have to make that jump but at this time I am not ready.
Also with school there are the long breaks that are really helpful. I don’t know what I would be doing right now if I was at a full time job and feeling this way. I can at least feel some sort of light at the end of the tunnel with the upcoming summer break. I can at least work on meds and get the mental care I need at this time. At a job they would not sit back and let you take that kind of break.
Anyways that is enough of that. Today’s picture is from the Roger Williams Park Zoo. Though I took many pictures of the animals, it was the scenery pictures that I felt were much better. So here is one. I chose this one for today because I have been talking about the light at the end of the tunnel, like pertaining to this semester and this picture shows the light from the sun. TTFN