Welcome to My Bumpy Ride.......

Before you all read on, I guess it is best to introduce myself to you and let you know a bit about myself. I am Susan, and first and foremost, I am a mother to a wonderful young man. Though he is grown, he will always be that three year old little boy, that asked all those questions and expected answers to them all. Though I will tell you much about myself in this blog there is no one or nothing that is as important to me as him, even if I don't discuss him much, because he kina likes to remain private.

For years I was actively trying to find myself, but that was a big waste of time, since by doing so I was not living. All my life I have always known that I was "different", but was unable to know why that was. I first thought that perhaps it was because I was adopted, but that was not the case. Turns out, I am bipolar and pretty much have been all my life. This was explained to me about nine years ago when I had a major melt down. I tend to be more on the depressive side, but have on occasion been quite manic. My last episode was early thru mid 2008, with full blown depression. For five months, I bearly left my house, let alone my bed. Why am I telling you this? I just want it out in the open and let you understand that I discuss my illness from time to time.

Present day, I am currently a full time student, studying social work. At the end of 2011 I was approached by a mentor of mine, who mentioned a new program that was going to launch here in Rhode Island. This new program called the Peer Wellness Coaching, was something that I had always wished would become a reality and to add even more excitement was the fact that this mentor was inviting me to train for a position as one of the Peer Wellness Coaches.

So currently (spring 2012) I am part of the three phases of training and should be employed by the fall of 2012. What is even more excellent about this program is that they are aware of my education goals and are willing to work with me on maintaining those goals.

Also you might hear me mention NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), because I am actively involved with them. I am a facilitator and state trainer for the NAMI Connection groups (peer run support group) here in Rhode Island, and I also help teach high school and college students about mental illness through NAMI RI's Inside Mental Illness program.

So with all that being said...I hope you read on to my daily activities and thoughts and such.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Entry for April 10, 2011 Reassessing My Thoughts

Well yesterday and today, I forced myself to get up and go out.  It is nice out after all.  It doesn’t matter whether or not there is a thunderstorm going on in my mind, there is still life outside of it.  I am hoping that if I get up and out, that somehow the nice days outside will help clear the dark clouds within my mind.

So yesterday, Denny and I went to Federal Hill, here in Providence, and ate dinner and then walked to the mall to see a movie.  We saw limitless and The Adjustment Bureau. I remember some of the movies and I guess they were ok.  I think I would become addicted to the pill in limitless.  I could really see that happening.  That is all I can say on that one, because I don’t want to spoil the movie for anyone else.

Last week I was kind of ahead in school and this weekend I did nothing for school.  It is not the smartest thing to do at this time, but honestly I could not see myself getting anything done anyways.  Each time I am here, I look at my bed and long for it. 

My grades as of now are passing, which is good, but usually at this time I am doing so much better.  I picked my classes for fall already.  Biology for Today, Physical Science and Intro to Human Services/Welfare are the courses I have picked and with each being 4 credits, it fulfills my fulltime requirement.

If by the first week in September I am not feeling any better, I am going to take a break for that semester.  I think what is scaring me the most is the lack of structure for the summer.  Believe it or not, that is so mega bad for me.  I have to figure out how I am going to fill the spaces that school fills for me right now, before it seriously becomes an issue.

Because of my illness, I was unable to get my photo collection together for the art gallery that wanted to me to exhibit at.  This is something that this past fall I was so looking forward to.  This illness of mine is a killer of many things.  Maybe next year I will be healthy enough to get into gear and get my photos ready.  I decided that each time I post here, I will insert one of my photos, and maybe that will get me more into the swing with my photos.  So here is something I took today.

This attracted me because of how not straight and normal this clock is.  This photo reminds me of me and how I am.  I am not someone who fits evenly into the box that the rest of society fits into.  When I am in that box, it tilts to the side and does not even out until I jump back out again.  TTFN

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